SAHM with young kids vs SAHM vs Homeschool Mom vs. Working Mom

These are all entirely different versions of motherhood. I've done 3 of 4.

Let me explain.

SAHM with young kids <--- 2018-2020, 2022-2023

These are the baby and toddler years. Whether you have one (like I did at home for 2 years) or some in school and one or more at home,  you are tethered to a small child or baby 24/7. They are always with you and you are also tethered to nap time. I'm not using tethered in a derogatory way; that's just what it is. I was home exclusively with Wells for 2+ years. Just me and him. Then, after some transitions, he went to preschool at 4 for half a day and I was still with baby Sutton all day long. She didn't leave my side for a year and a half, basically. 

This is the version of motherhood that is the most time-intensive and where you have to be the easiest on yourself. Sleep every chance you get (just my advice). It's not the time for "getting up before the kids". 

SAHM 

A stay-at-home-mom sends her kids to school. She then has the day to do whatever she needs to do. Generally, she's busy, if she's naturally industrious. Cleaning, appointments, errands, running the house and managing the family. This is the traditional view of motherhood. If she works part-time, that's this category because she makes her own hours (your MLM is not full-time work). She's not held to a time-clock or schedule, working full-time from home. Working full-time from home is still working full-time. 

Getting up before your kids is a good idea if you want them to get to school on time. 

Homeschool mom <--- in this exact stage of life, I am here. 

This is not a SAHM. This is an entirely different thing. I was not aware of the difference until I tried it. This is a mom who is doing everything all at once all day long. The kids don't leave, so it's like taking the SAHM with young kids and just making the kids independent. They're still around. Your house will be a disaster at times because the kids are there; baseboards aren't dirty from neglect, they're full of crumbs because kids are eating snacks all day long. There's no dust, only crumbs (everywhere). There is generally no quiet, no peace, lots of cajoling and explaining and bargaining because You Are Trying To Teach Them Something. Like the SAHM w/ YK, you have kids with you when you go places, but they can walk in stores by themselves and can also buckle themselves into their own seatbelts. 

This is the version of motherhood where it makes sense to get up before your kids. You're not as exhausted and you can create the day's schedule. 

Working mom <---- 2020-2022, 2023-2025

This is usually survival mode. It takes a lot of forethought and planning to thrive, but I also found it pretty rewarding. I don't know about you, but I grew up with a working mom and never thought I'd do it differently. This is for the planners and the do-ers and the overachievers. It's also necessary in most households. In this category, the kids go to daycare or school and the mom goes to work. Your baseboards are dirty from neglect, not crumbs. 

The single worst part about this version of motherhood is getting phone calls that your kid is sick and making arrangements for staying home from work. 

It makes 100% sense to get up before your kids if you are a working mom. I think you have to in order to accomplish anything. 

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The two points I'll make to round this out:

1. I don't actually think it matters what you do. I think it's up to you and your family. I'm no feminist but this is a case of "you do you". I literally change up our life every year or two, depending on the best fit for us. I do think you should try to stay home if you have a baby. I don't think any child under age 1 has any business being in daycare but that's my preference. I don't recover, mentally, from childbirth easily so I needed like a full 8 months to feel like a person again after Wells was born (maybe the two moves in 6 months had something to do with it) and it was probably 3 months after Sutton was born until I felt normal again. I could not have imagined going straight back to work and adding daycare into the mix. 

2. From the time we got engaged, Scott has told me, in the nicest way possible, that he doesn't care what I do. His only real opinion on it, at this point, is that it's good to stay home if you have babies or toddlers, if you don't have to work. I don't think I appreciated that point of view enough at the time because, when we were dating, I was ironically the one with steady work. He was finishing school when we met. 

So when I reflect back, the working, the staying home, the years off, it was all pretty much my choice (again, I'm no feminist). Now, it's more complicated so I have to think about what's best for the kids, year by year. That's how I landed on homeschooling for this year. While where's like seven possible scenarios for what the army can tell us to do next, I can definitely say that I literally have no idea what next year will hold, so that keeps things interesting I guess. 

The end of school

Wells' last day was Thursday. 

My and Sutton's last day was Friday... 

But Wells had to come along while I packed up my classroom so I did what everyone does almost daily here; we walked across the street to get a soda at the gas station. 

Every student gets to go up on stage and receive an award at the end of the year. 

Wells was one of only 4 kids in the elementary to have perfect attendance this year. 

(I'll let you find the typo :)

Anyway, that's it. Nothing super ceremonial or fancy to post from me. You know my thoughts on public school. The last week, I have felt like a camp counselor at best and a babysitter at worst. I packed up what I wanted to take, leaving a few things for the brand new teacher, and I've been busy sorting between what to store and what to use for homeschooling in the fall. While I obviously love teaching, I couldn't imagine starting over with a new class next year. That seems like an insurmountable amount of work at this exact moment. 

Keep it simple: EOY

*EOY is teacher lingo for end-of-year. BOY is beginning-of-year. MOY is middle...you get it.

Don't overcomplicate it. 

Teacher gifts: Last year, I went all out with cute little gifts of a glass iced coffee cup or whatever. They were a flat-out hassle to deliver and the one I kept for myself shattered and broke, so....

This year, Sutton had 3 teachers and Wells had one. Four Starbucks giftcards it was and a handwritten thank-you note for each. *As a teacher*, the cute stuff indeed looks cute but is rarely useful or worth hanging onto. I still remember the kids who gave me giftcards over the years because the practical efficiency of their parents stuck with me. Every single person, even if you hate Starbucks, will use a Starbucks giftcard. Sorry, but it's the truth. Although a kid did give me a nice notebook, and another gave me neat post-its and some great pens. That's always appreciated!

Birthdays: Wells got to take in a treat because he has a summer birthday. I could've panicked and tried to custom-order something because that's my tendency; then he told me he wanted cookies and then he told me he wanted donuts and then he told me he wanted cookies AND cupcakes and the kids would have to "make a hard decision" and I said no... then he didn't want to go to Walmart and told me to get donuts and that's what I got and it actually doesn't matter. It's what he wanted.

Student gifts: In the past, I've really hemmed and hawed over the perfect end of year activities or gifts for my class. This year, for field day, I ordered us some gear from Amazon. That was it. They don't want fancy stuff. Kids, honestly, want experiences. So sunglasses, eye stickers, headbands, and wristbands to go with our pink shirts it was!

Speaking of field day, it's A Thing here. I don't like organized fun so I put off the mile-long list of tasks required of me for my class to participate. I picked the color myself*, they picked our team name, and then I decorated the flag myself at home. 

*I wanted forest green. Then I was told it wouldn't be good with the black font because the writing on the shirts wouldn't be visible. I had about 2 hours in the middle of the school day to pick a new color. 

Summer activities: Speaking of overcomplicating...my pet peeve this time of year is the parents who put their kids in camps all summer long. In Missouri, summer school is a legit summer camp-style activity and it takes up all of June. Anyone can attend. But in other places, I've noticed parents are putting their kids into camps or spending $$$$ to send them off to camp and/or trying to figure out the logistics of having a place to send their kid every day lest they have nothing ("nothing") to do at home. Most of these are working parents, so I get that. But did anyone ever consider just hiring a babysitter? Having someone come to your house each day or dropping your kids off at a reputable sitter has to be 1/2 the cost of the camps. I babysat in the summer and one year I watched a toddler for $23 a day (which is what the mom paid for daycare the other two days of the week I didn't watch her) and, funnily enough, I babysat a toddler and an infant a few years later for $20 a day a few days a week, which was so below what I was worth and really speaks to what people are willing to pay for childcare if they can get away with it (but that's none of my business, I suppose :). (In either case, I had no business babysitting small children with my zero experience being around babies lol.)

All that to say, pay a teenager $60 a day to come to your house and care for your school-age kids for a few weeks out of the summer if it's about the childcare (you know, and not about organizing every second of your kids' lives and making sure they have More Fun Than Anyone Else.)

Do you have any other tricks to make the EOY and BOS (beginning of summer) uncomplicated? This is just my experience and realizations after many years of this. 

Memes for Monday.

I was so busy doing allthethings last week that I didn't even think to blog because when I get overwhelmed, time seems to speed up and drag on at the same time.

But I did put this on Substack but I want to start building up the professional side of my online life. For so long, I've compartmentalized teaching but now I want to start documenting that side of it all because I'm moving on from the classroom next year. I don't know what I'll be doing next (not working full-time anyway) but I want all of this out there for someone else to use as a resource. 

Teacher Talk Tuesday

How things were going midway through the first day of school. 

This will not be a regular thing but I thought I'd go over a little of what my teacher life is like..mostly because I've worked in more districts, schools, and classrooms than I can shake a stick at and I still find it so ridiculously fascinating how different they all are. 

This is my 11th year in my own classroom, but my 14th year of teaching because I did 3 years of subbing. Pennsylvania, Alaska, Missouri, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri... I've mentioned all that before. I've thought lately about how we've lived in Missouri for 3 years and I've worked for two districts plus I took a year off in that time here. Kind of insane. I've taught mostly 4th grade, but did one year in 2nd and then this is my second year teaching 3rd grade. 

This is only the third time I've done a repeat year in the same classroom. I switched classrooms once in Alaska because I wanted to in order to get a better one. So I did two years in one classroom there and then I did 3(!) years in one classroom in Colorado (Colorado seems like a foreign concept to me at this point). But the last time I walked back into the same classroom in the same school for another year was in 2017, four states ago. 

I work in a district that is Prek-12 in one big extended building. It's still very much split into elementary and high school, though, with two principals. We function as two schools. There's an attached daycare for teachers' kids under age 3 if a teacher wants to make use of it. They have two teachers, a separate budget/supplies, a curriculum, and everything. They also get to participate in things like field day, assemblies, etc. They get to join the preschool for art, music, etc. That daycare is the only reason I can work right now. I couldn't justify paying double (or even triple...I've seen the pricing) for an industrial-style daycare near the military base and driving 40 minutes one way to the school I worked at before Sutton was born. 

As for Wells, he is in first grade now and he is two doors down from my classroom. Last year, he was three doors down in kindergarten. He said he can't wait to be in my class. I don't really want to burst that bubble: I don't think we'll still be stationed here in two years.

But the school is a 7 minute drive each morning, which is about the best I could hope for, you know?

The school day starts at 7:30 for both teachers and students, which I don't love. I'd prefer for teachers to start at 7:30 and students to start at 8:00, but whatever. I drop Sutton off at 7:15 and, I've finally formulated a system: I park behind the building and go in a back door because it's quicker. (Last year was a crapshoot with dropping off/parking/getting everyone inside.)

Wells runs off to breakfast and I have like 10 minutes, if I'm lucky, to set up for the day. Kids start coming in at 7:30 and by 8:00, I'm teaching two back-to-back Reading classes. My school departmentalizes 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. I don't love this or even like it very much but whatever. Apparently they've done it this way for years so it's just what the teachers are used to. I don't necessarily think what's best for teachers is best for kids but whatever. I could outline my thoughts in a dissertation at this point but mostly I keep them to myself :) 

I teach two Reading classes (one to each 3rd grade homeroom), I have lunch duty, I have my lunch, I have my RTI class made up of 2nd and 3rd graders, I have my prep period (50 minutes...last year it was 60), and then I teach two Social Studies classes (one to each 3rd grade homeroom). Last year, I realized there was not enough time to teach all of the ELA standards if I taught Social Studies every day so, this year, I'm doing Social Studies two days a week and Writing two days a week. While I call it "Reading", it's really reading, spelling, grammar, writing, phonics, fluency, research, speaking/listening/presentation. Plus Social Studies. I have about 120 minutes a day, 4 days a week to fit all of that in. (I spent all of last year writing curriculum, rewriting curriculum, asking for curriculum, and doing the math to figure out these minutes. There is no answer that I've been able to conclude.)

Without the departmentalization, I would have a lot more time because Math is generally an hour in every district I've ever worked in, and you don't teach Science and Social Studies every day in 3rd grade. You pick one and alternate. We used to do a Social Studies unit for 2 weeks and then do a Science one for 2 weeks when I taught 4th grade.

This is how quickly I can lose focus and start in on my disagreements with the methods! Literally don't even remember where I was going with that...

On Fridays, we have a 1pm dismissal, so I get an hour with each class instead of 120 minutes. From 1:30-3:30 on Fridays is when we do all of our PD, meetings, etc. Nothing is before school or after school or during preps. It's all on Fridays. I like this but I do think that a full 5 day week would be better for kids and families. Fridays are seen as fun day or not a serious day because for the early release. It's also when assemblies are held. I'd rather go to a 4 day week or a full 5 day week. I'd happily start school at 8:30, having meetings from 7:30-8:30 if we could go to a 5 day week. 

On Fridays, Wells stays with me and goes to all my meetings with me. He usually has a Chromebook to play on and this year he is able to join an after school club so I will do that with him on Fridays and maybe some other days too. I haven't figured it out yet. Sutton is allowed in my classroom under only the most dire of circumstances because she get into things and/or cries or yells and I can't take that. She stays at daycare until 3:45 every day. 

There I am, getting lost in the methods again though...

Monday through Thursday, kids are dismissed at 3:05 and I have to pick Sutton up by 3:45 so I don't stay after school. Any work usually goes home with me. I usually have time to prep for the next day before I leave...usually Wells is asking to go play with his friends in "their" rooms (really their moms' rooms) but I have to get Sutton before 3:45 because the daycare closes. So, more often than not, I am setting up for the day when the kids are coming in at 7:30 :) I can't drop off at the daycare until 7:15, so the timeline is tight. 

Anyway. That's what things look like at this exact season/snapshot of my teaching life. It wasn't always this way, it won't always be this way, and I can't lie: I've daydreamed about what it would be like to maybe send Wells off to school in a new location in a year or two, send Sutton to preschool, and just be at home with the dogs lol. We'll see what the Army decides to do with us. 

News!

in the barn, unpacking all the stuff. 

scott had not assumed i'd be up in the loft hauling it all down again so soon. 

Next year, I will be going back into the classroom. I accepted a teaching job, locally, so I will be taking Wells with me to school each day. He'll go to kindergarten and I'll be teaching in the elementary school. Sutton gets to go too.

If you want the how, the why, and all the details of how I got from "I want to homeschool" to here, read on. If not, that's okay too. 

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I do not know how it came to this point. Like, I was good with just being d-o-n-e for an amount of time. I'm legitimately just as confused as you are if you've been around these parts for awhile. You can see, in my quitting post from last year, that I had a foreshadow of what would be to come though. 

Basically, I have spent most of the last year hemming and hawing about what to do for Wells for kindergarten. I had a few options as far as I could see: 

homeschool

send him to private school where he had already been going for preschool

send him to our local public school. 

The pros and cons were vast. I could've made lists all day long. 

Around the beginning of February, I got a thought in my head that I should find somewhere to teach. I didn't know what this was supposed to look like, and  I don't know where this came from. There was no lead-up to it. It just appeared in my head one day. I wasn't willing to go back to where I had been in 2021-2022 but I really felt an urge to consider going back to teaching. It was, how do you say, Put On My Heart in Christian-ese. I couldn't get rid of the feeling. 

I didn't know what this would look like, but I applied to Wells' private school since they go up to 9th grade. I had a good talk with his principal. I thought it'd be a good compromise: not working for a giant district so there would be small class sizes and less pressure, he could continue going to school there, and I just needed to figure out what to do with Sutton. I wasn't crazy about hauling her into daycare with a million other kids in the town around an army base. I didn't think that'd be good for any of us. 

Then, I figured, while I was applying there, I might as well apply to the local district. It's a 5 minute commute, a very small school we'd only heard good things about, and it's where Wells would be zoned for kindergarten anyway. Again, still needed to figure out I would do with Sutton. In this case, the local school offers a daycare in their building. When I saw that, I was immediately interested in the possibility this offered.

At that point, I had decided that Wells would go wherever I went. If I was able to get a job at the private school, he was going there. If I was able to get a job at the public school, he was going there. If I didn't get a job at all, he'd go to public school. If (if) public school did not work for us, the deal I made with Scott was that I could pull him out and homeschool. 

Then, we started going to a local church in February; one that is about two minutes from our house. The people there were so nice and welcoming and kind. Wells started making friends and I realized that the kids there would be his classmates if he went to the local school. This is the community we live in and, while it's only 20-30 minutes from the military base, it feels like an entirely different world. I was reminded that there's a reason we live here and not on the army base. Such a huge part of me quitting my job was to stay home with Sutton when she was a baby, but it's also because I didn't want Wells going to school on a military base anyway. If I wanted that, we'd be living on the base. If I still worked there, he'd be going to school with me for his kindergarten year.

To the point here: I interviewed for the local public school in March and accepted a job that was pretty competitively sought after. I registered Wells for kindergarten there as well (which felt like a really big step, bigger than a job interview). And this on-site daycare? It's perfect. I will be able to see both of my kids any time I want during the day. These were all deciding factors in making it fit for us. It's a small district and I love that Wells won't be a number. There won't be a ton of kids moving in and out, either, since we're farther from the base. 

I kind of got the feeling that the private school prefers to hire private school teachers who attend the church that's attached to the school...and I will never fit that mold because I've always been a public school teacher. Like, I just will. The saying these days is that "not all teachers are bad", which is an awful way to refer to, basically, public servants. I do believe I'm one of the good ones because I apparently keep coming back for more. I have mentioned, more than once, that kids should be pulled out of public school if it isn't working for a family. I feel slightly hypocritical here but I've always caveated with "every school is different". Because every school IS different. 

In the end, if I am there and understand exactly what's going on day to day, I couldn't ask for more than that. I mean, what a compromise, right?

I suppose I could write an entire separate post on the guilt I feel about choosing to go back to work. 

But, to be honest, I am a better human when I have responsibilities. I was meant to keep at this. If I wasn't, I would've stopped long ago, I suppose. While the extra money is nice, I get a lot out of the experience. I like when our world is bigger and not smaller, if that makes sense. We've spent a lot of the last 13 years in transition and my teaching jobs have always grounded me. 

When it comes to the idea of homeschooling, if I'd felt the pull to do it, I'd have done it. While I *want* to be that homeschooling mom, I don't think I am. I mentioned that I started going to a book group with a lot of other homeschool moms; if anything, while I admire them and what they're doing, it's cemented that it's not for me right now. It's not one of those things I aspire to, I guess. Also...I know my child and he is probably not a great candidate for it at this point. I also know myself and it's unlikely we'd make it through week one. I feel almost ashamed to admit that; like I'm failing my own child, but you don't get to a dozen years of classroom experience without learning something about yourself in this regard. 

In the end, this also took a lot of prayer and patience. Not hoping or wishing but a lot of just waiting to be led to where I was supposed to be heading. < That's kind of a mouthful, I know. 

Anyway, as a fun twist, here's your reminder that when I was first hired to teach in Alaska (13 years ago), I was hired to teach 3rd grade, very specifically. (seriously, quite specifically). I couldn't wait: I ordered a bunch of school supplies online. By the time the school year began, I had switched to 4th grade and I've always loved it. Now, this many years later, I may get to use this banner after all:

I've literally been moving it around with us for 13 years because it was brand new and my reminder of my first real job. I feel like I HAVE to use it at this point. 

Teacher Tweets

Since many teachers and students are off of school for Columbus Day today, I figure I'd give some educational thoughts and content...

 

Or a jeans coupon. 

Jeans coupons are treated as currency in schools and teachers have allowed this to happen. 

Since I am not motivated by jeans coupons, I've been asked "what do you want to be rewarded with? do you want a candy bar?" 

Working in a foundry LOL

I've watched some of Abbott Elementary but it really makes me sad because it tells too much of the truth. 

How I feel about quitting my teaching job (again)

If you're new, you can find the links to my previous teaching jobs on my about me page. The only time I ever intentionally quit a job to stay home was in 2018 when Wells was born. 

This year, since I was pregnant when school started in August, I knew I likely wouldn't be back for a second year. I stayed home for two full years with Wells. I couldn't fathom sending him to daycare; I was too anxious about his well-being. I read horror stories at one point about babies and daycare and, well, that was enough for me. 

This time, the logistics involved seemed like too much for me to handle. I know moms do it. I end up doing most of the day-to-day parenting because of Scott's work and travel schedule. And since we don't have family around to help, I would have to seek out strangers to assist me and I am not up for that. 

Logistically, this past school year, I would leave the house with Wells around 7am. I would drop him off at preschool before-care at 7:15-7:20. Then it would take me anywhere between 10 minutes and 45 minutes to get to work. I say this because my work was about 4 miles from his school. Since it was on the military base, the line to get through the gate was unpredictable. I can't tell you how many times I was late. Kids arrived at 8am. Usually I was getting there 5 minutes before them. It would, most days, take about 30 minutes to go those 4 miles. That is completely nonsensical. No one needs that kind of stress in their life. In order to go back this next school year, I would need to find a daycare for Sutton and add a second drop-off to that time schedule. You might say, you should've left the house earlier. True. It was really hard to get out the door with a 3 year old who fought me through the entire getting-ready-journey in the mornings though. I could not make it happen before 7am. Sorry. Plus, you weren't supposed to drop them off before 7:00 at preschool. So, theoretically, I could've left at 6:45am, but that only ever happened a few times when the stars aligned (literally, as it would still be pitch black outside at that time). 

So logistics are the biggest reason I'm not going back. I can't deal with that kind of schedule in the morning just to pay about $1400 a month total to have someone else take care of our baby and teach Wells. 

Secondly, my school wasn't enough to draw me back. Sorry. It just wasn't. Details aside, I didn't feel like I was getting what I wanted and needed there. If I had been going to go back this year (like if a baby hadn't been a factor), I would've tried to move to another building anyway. I could not go through all of that up there for another year. Add in all the extra teacher responsibilities too...I want to want to teach, so it's really unfortunate that I didn't want to try to make it work. 

Now, if we are here for another year, and Wells is getting ready for kindergarten and we decide to send him to the local school, maybe I'll try to work there. Maybe, at that point, we could have someone come to the house to watch Sutton, like we used to have for Wells. It just really depends. Basically, I refuse to pay for more than one child to be in childcare at a time. It's not worth it on a teacher's salary. I have a contact in the local district who really vouches for it, so maybe that would be an option in a year or so, for both me and for Wells. 

Until then, I'm good with being at home. Being a military spouse means you are truly the manager of all things in the household. I totally floundered mentally this past school year with Wells and working. I truly didn't have a lot of fun with my job either. I always have in the past, more or less, but teaching was not fun in 2021-2022. I went over that in this post and in this one, so I won't re-hash it here too. But while I wanted to want to go back, that's not where I'm at for 2022-2023. It was a pretty easy decision to choose to stay home for a bit. 

Things I learned teaching in 2021-2022

taken in March, before I left for the year

The end of the school year was a few weeks ago. I took both Wells and Sutton in to see my students on the last day. Only about half the class was there because most had left early for summer vacation and Wells caught a cold from someone he was playing with that day. Go figure. 

I really thought this year would be different than last. Last year was the height of covid. It was like living in the upside down compared to how teaching is supposed to be. But...I had a great year? I was just a long term sub, spending the first half of the year going class to class and most of the second half of the year teaching first grade. It left me with nothing but excitement to get back into a classroom of my own for 2021-2022. I got a job teaching in my former district here in Missouri, in my favorite grade level, and I was ready to get back to it. 

I thought this year would be different than last year. It wasn't, really. It was ... I don't know. 

To begin with, 'masks optional' became 'masks mandatory' in July and we were mandated into masks until the first week of March when the military base dropped them in indoor spaces. Until that point, the only time kids could take off masks was at lunch when they were physically eating. Yes, even running the mile outside for gym class and even at recess they were masked up (and so were we, as teachers). 

The year was spent cleaning surfaces (covid doesn't live on surfaces), keeping 3 ft between students almost at all times (why 3 ft?), and contact tracing for asymptomatic quarantining (5-21 days at a time, depending). 

I was constantly being gaslighted with others saying At least we're here! or It's better than the alternative!

What alternative? Virtual school? That shouldn't be an alternative. How dare we threaten shutting down and denying kids their right to a public education? On a military base, no less, to children of service members. How dare we say Pull your mask up 273 times a day or treat anyone with a cold symptom like a leper? They are children. Kids would apologize for coughing and sneezing. Can you believe that? 

(Whew.)

In January, at the height of omicron, shutting the school down would have been preferable to the complaining I heard ("it's not safe for us to be here!"). They low-key threatened that shutting down was the next step because we had no substitutes and teachers were dropping out left and right (with colds, by the way, but they weren't allowed to work while sick). 

Again, it was like living in the upside down. This wasn't what was best for kids at all. 

Because of the after-effects of 1.5 years of failed policy, my students were far behind. Coming from all different school systems and countries and each of those had their own way of having dealt with covid. I had a few kids who hadn't seen the inside of a school since March of 2020, meaning they had no 3rd grade experience, and I was supposed to teach them at 4th grade levels and get them successfully to 5th. 

I barely made it through the year, personally. The challenges stacked against me were ...large. The dent I was making was small. 

So. 

What did I learn?

I don't think I learned anything I didn't know before. 

I learned could've used a bigger classroom. And a microphone. And curtains on my windows to block the insane sunlight that ruined my projection during whole-group reading every day between 11:30am and 12:15pm. I learned I could've used a curriculum that made sense and was user-friendly. I learned I could've used a regular SmartBoard instead of a Smart TV. I learned I could've used...eh, I could go on. 

What I did have was a great teammate who I will miss. Supportive and kind coworkers. A few sweet, sweet students. An aide who pushed into the classroom every afternoon for long enough for me to get a bathroom break. So, really, a few of the people and some of the kids are what I will miss. I will miss teaching, I'm sure, and I already kind of do. But it's this kind of teaching that I miss. I learned that that kind of teaching was something I actually had been missing all year long in 2021-2022. 

A story about teaching

Teaching is incredibly different in 2021 than it was in 2010 when I started. Technically, I started in 2008, as a student teacher and then subbed the 2008-2009 and 2009-2010 school years, in Pennsylvania and Alaska, respectively. 

When I got my first job in Alaska for the fall of 2010, the teacher I ended up working most closely with was a veteran teacher. She'd been teaching for over 40 years at that point and wasn't slowing down any time soon. I taught there for 3 years, and we moved away in 2013.

In February 2020, I got a phone call from another teacher friend in Alaska, saying that this teacher had passed away. I was devastated. Mostly because it was the middle of the school year and how awful and I knew how absolutely ticked she would be, knowing she'd not be going back to school. 

Secondly, I had never made it back to Alaska to see her again. 

There was a moment back in 2018 where we were thinking of going back to Anchorage for 18 months for Scott's Corps of Engineers job. I had always thought how great it would've been to take Wells up to meet her and everyone else I had worked with. We'd ended up going to Pittsburgh instead.

She and I had talked on the phone a few times a year since 2013 and shared emails.

It wasn't until I read her obituary in February of 2020 that I realized she had been born in Laramie, Wyoming. There is one hospital there. If she was born in a hospital, it was the same hospital where Wells had been born. The world isn't small enough for a coincidence that big. 

I knew her family was from southeast Alaska and they'd hopped around from Juneau to Valdez to Kenai and I knew she'd gone to college in Oregon and had hated it because it was "too hot" and got a sunburn for the very first time. I knew her first teaching job had been on the Kenai Peninsula and the giant earthquake of 1964 had literally rocked her family's world with her friends dying and her dad *almost* dying in the tsunami at Valdez. He was the only one smart enough, she said, to realize what was happening when the water went out and ran for higher ground. Everyone else on the docks was washed away. 

And, a fun fact that would be absolutely unheard of today: When she had both of her children, she took less than a week off from school. In the case of her son, she "had him on Monday and was back by Thursday". I think my jaw dropped at that. She was not a snowflake, union-protected teacher of today. She'd make Randi Weingarten cry. Our district had well over 1,000 certified staff; she was listed as the one with the most seniority. 

As February 2020 dragged into March and that slooooowly dragged into April and May, I realized that she was taken home to Jesus at exactly the right time. This was not a coincidence. Virtual school? Zoom classes? Forcing your students to wear masks all day and not touch each other on the playground? 

This was not her world. It's not really of my world either. 

I don't like everything we're doing. I don't agree with it. I don't see how it's "helping kids grow and learn". But I am a unique mix experienced enough to use what I already know and young enough to maybe stick it out. 

This teacher in Alaska always told me that if I stuck it out long enough, I'd see the cyclical nature of education...everything comes back around again. Open classrooms (1970s) turned into the flexible seating of 2018, for example. Math practices that were outdated in 2000 are coming back 20 years later. There is nothing new under the sun. 

She also told me not to quit (and I have multiple times!) because I was a good teacher. I swear this is why I keep trying to go back. Knowing she thought I was a good teacher means a lot but, I'm pretty sure, it took me the entire 2010-2011 school year to win her good graces and then she realized I was more like her (at my inexperienced 24 years of age) than I was not like her, when it really came down to it. 

So part of me feels like if I stick it out, I will see this all come to an end and school will return to the way it was intended to be. 

What makes me feel awful is that there are young teachers out there who have never known what teaching is actually supposed to be like. They think teaching is 100% "social-emotional"-based (because of the HORRIBLE mental health issues that have been created in the last 2 years), they have never been on a field trip, and they'll never be able to have regular old class parties or assemblies. None of this is changing any time soon.

While sometimes I feel very old in my field, if I didn't have my experiences to fall back on, I wouldn't be doing this right now. I worry about not only the kids who are the real victims here, but the brand-new teachers who won't have prior experiences to keep them going. 

This pic is 10 years old so the kids are unrecognizable. It's a screenshot from a movie I have saved. I just wanted to share that I used to do really fun things. This class got so into a reader's theater we did that I assigned parts and let them create a set and put it on as a play for another class and for their parents. This is would never happen today. Parents aren't even allowed in our buildings anymore.

Things I learned teaching in 2020-2021.

This student picture absolutely breaks my heart, but I'll frame it for next year for sure. 

 1. I need a mouse. My work computer was a MacBook and I have no idea how people do serious business (like Zoom teaching) on a MacBook without a mouse. It made life so much easier once I figured that out. 

2. I'm not great at the 3-7 age group. The blends, the sounds, the sight words, the digraphs, the bossy r, the vowel patterns... it's not for me. 

I don't like the songs and the rhymes and the dances and the calendar and the constant repetition. I don't like centers and introducing kids to concepts for the first time. I like prior knowledge. I like half-filled schemas. I feel like I spent a lot of time doing pre-K, kindergarten, and 1st grade this year. It's eye-opening to how hard those teachers work. 

I like the 8-10 age group. They have prior knowledge. They can write. They can read. They can do math. Grades 2-4 are where I need to be.

I used to think that high school teachers were being dramatic when they'd say that they "could never" teach elementary. Well, now I know that feeling because I have spent so much time in primary this year. Guys, I could never. 

3. I learned that an egg has an air sac and that oviparous means animals that hatch from an egg/lay eggs. I really must've missed that day in elementary school. 

4. Honestly, I learned how to Zoom-teach, how to screen share, how to use the doc cam/hover cam with Zoom, how to follow health guidelines in a school, how to keep kids separated into cohorts at recess, how to teach with a mask on, how to still accept hugs because it's important, and how to meet dozens and dozens of new people without ever shaking a hand. 

5. I was thrown into long-term subbing without any training or previous knowledge of the curriculum. That's no one's fault; subs generally aren't trained. I was hired as a full-time COVID sub with extra money from the federal/state funds. Meaning, a handful of teachers were always out quarantining for a week+ at a time. That meant that a sub needed to teach that class for many days in a row. I did this primarily in one school but did work in all of the schools in the district. Beginning in February, I did two long-term 1st grade positions for the rest of the school year for teachers who had to be out for months at a time. Luckily they were right next door to each other! (see: teaching about eggs). I did the planning, the testing, the data, etc. 

My point to #5 here is that: if I wouldn't have had years of experience in curriculum series' and data and testing and planning, I never would've figured all of this out. The biggest hurdle was just figuring out how the technology worked in the district and then every classroom ran pretty much the same. 

My biggest challenge overall this year was my three weeks in special education. I went from class to class, from Zoom to Zoom, teaching 1-4 kids at a time, all completely individualized, all. day. long. 

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Those are kind of the specifics on what I learned in 2020-2021 when it came to teaching. It was baptism by fire most days but I feel incredibly prepared when it comes to taking on my own classroom again next year. This was a crash course refresher, under very unique high-pressure circumstances. 

Next year, I will be teaching 4th grade in Missouri. I don't get too specific on where I work and what I do on the blog, but it's a district I've worked for previously since we are going back to a location where we've already been.

Mostly, I'm just relieved to be getting back to 4th grade! If you're new here, I taught 4th grade for seven years and 2nd grade for one year. I think I could do 2nd or 3rd again, happily. However, I've had enough 1st grade curriculum to last me a lifetime. 

Homeschooling?

I didn't even know what to title this post.

His first coloring book. 

He just likes looking at the pictures. 

He doesn't get "coloring" yet. I tried. 

We could also go with the title "NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DOING RIGHT NOW SO JUST DO SOMETHING".

First, the idea of homeschooling my child long-term is a special kind of nightmare for me.

I have nothing but respect for parents who choose to homeschool. That is AWESOME. Good for you. GREAT for you. I just know it's absolutely not for me.

I've always stood by two things:

1. I always said I could/would homeschool our children if I had to. If we lived in a particularly undesirable school system for a short amount of time, or if we were moving at weird points in the school year; I wouldn't register a kid in a new school in April or May, if that's when we were moving to a new location. I'd likely keep him at home and just start over in the fall. There's a lot of variables that go into those situations and decisions, so that's just my framework and starting point on the topic.

2. The other thing is that I don't want to be my child's only teacher. I could teach him, sure. I just loved my students over eight years so much that I couldn't imagine not having them as part of my life experience. I want my child to have that too. I know there's a lot out there about schools not being good enough or public education being awful. But I still believe in it. I would send Wells to a private school in a heartbeat, if that was our best option. But I want him to be part of a school because being part of a school for these last however many years has been a huge part of my life experience.

So.
With that out of the way...here's my thoughts on what's happening now...

You've seen a lot of fallout over the last few weeks concerning how the government just cannot get their act together. You know who was able to make this transition as seamless and tactful as possible?

Teachers.

Platitudes aside, being a teacher in the last two weeks had to have been rough.

But for all the kids who are now at home, I have thoughts...

If you have kids you homeschool by choice, awesome. Seriously. I couldn't do it. Or rather, I would likely choose not to do things that way because I know myself. I've never had an opinion on homeschooling (except for what I listed at the beginning of this post), to be honest.

But now, I see things like this and I get defensive and upset:

I like public school. I liked being a public school teacher. I think it is a wonderful place of community and belonging. As I've said before, my best memories are of my experiences as a teacher. Not every day was good and some days it was really hard. I have cried at my desk and to my coworkers before. I have dreaded getting out of my car in the morning. It's not glamorous in the least but there is no other job I'd rather do, professionally.

For what it's worth: I don't think the kids will be particularly behind by missing the last 2-3 months of the school year. See the end of this post for my reason. 

I think teachers should have more individual say in their classrooms and I think mandated testing should go away and, if the last two weeks have proven anything, it's that teachers should be in charge because things would get done a lot more efficiently.

And then I see words like "indoctrination" being thrown around and I have to think: I've had hundreds of students, maybe more..how many have I indoctrinated? My answer to that would probably be none. I was always very careful to never let my opinion about serious topics come out because what I thought didn't actually matter.

Kids knew that I liked dogs more than cats and that backpacks and coats on the floor was a no-no and that I ate a lot of candy and that I didn't like the color red. They had no idea about my political beliefs.

Because I didn't talk about them. That wasn't my job.

In fact...and this is where I must disclaim that I didn't vote for Donald Trump in 2016...I remember a student being mad that Donald Trump won in November that year because her mom was mad. She said something..I don't even remember what but I remember exactly where she was sitting and lamenting as she said it...and I said I understand what it's like when someone you want to win doesn't win. Remember how we watched the BrainPop video about elections? And we read about how the President is elected? That's what happened. Every time a President is elected, half the country is upset and someday you'll be able to vote and help make a difference. This is how the U.S. government was set up, just like we talked about. 

Or something like that. Facts and details, not opinions, has always been my philosophy of teaching. Kids don't need to know their teacher's opinion on every little thing. (But it was always important that they knew red decorations did not hang on our classroom walls because I really don't like primary colors.)

And, to push this along even further...because we're all socially distanced from each other, so why not?
Sometimes I feel like the fact that I believe in public schools means I need to hand over my conservative Christian card.
Like I can't be politically conservative if I think public schools are okay. And I can't be a truly biblical version of a Christian (you know, not like a Rachel Hollis or Beth Moore or Glennon Doyle version) if I believe public schooling is an option.

That's just something I've been thinking about a lot lately. ^

Circling back to what I originally wanted this post to be about..

If you are homeschooling right now because your child's school is closed...
If you are homeschooling right now because your child's school is closed and you also have to work from home at the same time with no extra help because of social distancing...
And if you, God bless you, are going to work and your child must also be homeschooled and you need to figure out how to do childcare AND schooling while you're not at home...

In all of these situations, I can recommend a few things:

• Your child does not need 78 sets of manipulatives. 
• You do not need to run out and buy a color laser printer and laminator.
• Give daily quiet time with books and snacks.
• Legos, K'nex, race tracks...anything that can be built qualifies as STEM. Promise. 
• Workbooks are great! Coloring books and activity books are good too.
• TV is fine. Especially anything that helps them learn...I can recommend some of the educational series I used in my classroom for indoor recess or end-of-the-day viewing if you need ideas!
• Educational video games are a perfectly fine use of time. 
• Outdoor playtime is ideal.
• Schedules are hard*, especially when a new normal feels anything but normal. 
• Read aloud!!! 

Much of what happens in an actual school is about management and schedules and meeting minutes for state guidelines. School does not take 8 hours a day. Think of it like a tighter version of summer vacation maybe?  Plus...and this is kind of a dirty little secret...most of the actual necessary material that needs to be covered is covered between September and March. State testing is in April and then it's a free-for-all until June. Your kid won't be behind.

*I love having Wells on a schedule. It does not work out every day, no matter how hard I try. I loved having my classroom run on a schedule. Schedules are overrated though. It's necessary in a school, but you live and die by your schedule out of that necessity. I spent all of my days looking at the clock and making sure I was doing everything that needed to be done in the allotted time. It's HARD. Please don't do that to yourself if you're suddenly home with your children. Keep it flexible. It actually hurts when I see moms put 3 year olds on a school schedule. We all know you're doing the best you possibly can. I don't believe any mom or dad is trying to drop the ball on education during this weird time. 

Considering the idea of going back to work

I wrote this back in October. I told myself that I'd worry about "next year" in "2020". 2020 is here and...I really think I'm leaning toward the idea of staying home for another year but I don't actually know and won't actually know until the time comes I suppose.


Thoughts appreciated :)


When I quit my job, I didn't miss it. After Wells was born and school started again, I didn't miss it. When Wells was 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 months old...didn't miss it. I regularly thought, and sometimes said, I have no idea how people go back to work with a baby.

It wasn't until he was maybe 10 months old that I thought, Eh, I could probably go back to work. 

Maybe around the 8 or 9 month mark I started wondering what the heck I was doing with all my time. I talked to friends who said they'd love to stay home if they could. I met with other moms of under-1s who enjoyed every second of it. I often thought, I wanted him so badly and now I would want to go back to work?! 

I thought about things others told me along the lines of I was giving all of myself to my job and there was nothing left for my family, and that's why they chose to stay at home.

 I thought of the counselor who told me I *could* go back to work. It wasn't that I couldn't do it. It was that it would just be hard and I'd have to make a sacrifice in some part of my life. Probably in the realm of having no free time. 

I thought of the mom who told me she would go back to work when her youngest (who wasn't conceived yet) went to school. 

I thought of the mom who left a very esteemed career to stay at home with her two littles and said she knows she could go back but she likes that she can take better care of her family and her house by staying at home. 

And, finally, I thought about the Facebook post for a moms' group I'm in: I don't know this person so I don't even know how old her baby/kid is, but she said she cries ugly tears every day after she drops him off at daycare. She would do anything to stay home with him but she needs the insurance benefits because her husband is self-employed. 

These are all real examples I've encountered in the last 6 or so months. 

Then, I thought about the mom I know who is an army wife. She has lived in 3 states since I've known her and she has 4 kids under 8 and she went back to teaching after each kid was born. I worked with her in Missouri. She gets a job wherever they move and her kids, now, go to school with her, but before they had a babysitter.

And I thought about how, for a lot of people, working takes away the potential richness of their lives. They're able to be better people when they're at home with their kids. What I'm realizing is how much teaching has enriched my life. It's made me into the person I am...all the schools, all the learning I had to do, all the colleagues I've worked with and friends I've made, and all of the little lives I got to put a permanent stamp on; you always remember who your teachers were in elementary school. By staying at home full-time, however wonderful it is be able to take care of my own toddler, I was trading in a huge part of who I was as a person and could become as a person. It's not about the job: it's about the experiences. Wells is better off with me having had all of those opportunities in the past. I can teach him so much more about life now! 

Then I thought about the cost of daycare. 

And I thought about the germs at daycare.

And, to be perfectly honest, for me, it's always been about the potential dangers of daycare. I won't get into the horror stories, but I heard one on the news when I was about two months post-partum and I couldn't sleep for a week. 

And I thought about moving again next year. It's not like I can just call up my old district and re-apply. It's not like I could've asked my previous school to hold a job for me for a year. It's not that easy. I have to be willing to start over. 

Timing is everything and the timing of when Wells was born was nothing short of miraculous, as is his existence in the first place. I just so happen to have, like, two "free" years where working would've been unideal and almost impossible. 

Miraculous, indeed. 

All of this being said, obviously I am blessed to and grateful to have the opportunity to stay at home. What a thing to whine about, right? I love being with Wells. I get anxious when I'm away from him, still. Though it's not as bad as it used to be. 

I think my problem ("problem") is that teaching isn't just a job. It's a hobby and a lifestyle and a feeling of belonging and acceptance. All at the same time. It takes a certain personality to do it. It takes a certain amount of stamina and rigor to keep up with it. It's just part of who I am at this point. 

I've thought about the work-from-home types of teaching and nearly set-up an interview for one company. Then I realized that I have NO (ZIP, ZERO) desire to set up a makeshift classroom in our extra bedroom and teach via Skype. NOPE. I have no desire to work from my own computer, sitting at home in my pajamas. I have no desire to work from home at all. 

This doesn't mean I don't want to be with my toddler for a huge chunk of each day. It means that I will be better at being with him if he's not the only thing I have to focus on. Takes some pressure off, actually. 

Plus, the idea of trying to work only during naptime or the idea of hiring someone to watch him while I work from home doesn't sound like something I, personally, would be on board with. This is an idea Scott and I have tossed around and I'm not a fan. 

ALLLLLL of this to say:

In July, I applied for my teaching license in the state we will be headed to next, which is Kansas.

I was in an irrational mood one day, thinking I'd never be able to teach again, so I needed to take this step while I had time. 

THEN, I realized my Colorado license expired in August and, after talking to the state of Colorado, I wasn't allowed to renew it because I don't teach in Colorado. 

I called Missouri. They won't let me renew my license because I don't teach there. 

And Alaska.

And my Pennsylvania license has been frozen since 2009 when I moved away. It would reactivate if I got a job here, but I don't know how that process works because no one wants to look at your applications without a valid license.

In sheer panic mode, I called the state of Kansas and asked what I should do. They told me to fill out as much of the application as I could, send it in before my Colorado license expired, and it would be on file. Then I would send in the rest as I gathered the proper paperwork from the various sources I needed to contact (colleges, districts, fingerprints, etc). 

You see, I can apply for a new license in a new state. I just can't renew an old one. It's not the easiest process to navigate. 

It was a very long day. It was strangely exhilarating to be working on *something* again though. Kind of like when I publish Teachers Pay Teachers products. It makes me happy to be doing something that affects something else.

I was supposed to be packing for a wedding weekend away and, instead, I just buried myself under a pile of paperwork and took two (!) trips to the post office with a 12 month old.

I don't know what we will do next year. I do know that, if I don't work, I will likely put Wells in a nursery school of some type for a few hours a week because I want to him to have that experience. We've been doing mom/baby playgroups for months and months now and I think that'll be a potentially really fun next step for him. Five days a week in daycare is another story, so we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

Much of this depends on Scott's job/jobs, whatever house we end up in, whatever town we end up in, etc. We have some ideas but it's all up in the air. As in usual with this military life.