May 15, 2019

I don't care if you're a "fur mom"

To get all three of them in the same picture would've been...impossible. I came close last week. 

I said long ago that I didn't want to be referred to as a fur mom. I don't like it, personally. However, I will take this opportunity and this platform to announce that I've long been "mommy" to the dogs.
And, in fact, just the other day, as Scout attempted to take off across the yard, I grabbed him and said menacingly If you run away, you'll never see daddy again. Think about that. I think he understood. At least the "daddy" part.

Therefore, I've been "mommy" and Scott has been "daddy" since we got our dogs. It's just how we refer to ourselves. Not, like, in the third person. But as in Go see mommy, she has your treats or Don't worry, you're going with daddy when Scott goes hunting.

And, we refer to Scout, Jett, and Wells as "brother" interchangeably. Be nice to brother. Or Hi brother Jett! I just woke up from my nap! Or Don't worry, brother is coming too. Or Let me feed brothers first. 

It's literally just part of my day-to-day vernacular now because it's how I talk to Wells.

However, Mother's Day and Father's Day always brings out the fur mom and fur dad crowd, right?

Here's the thing: I don't care if you refer to yourself as a fur mom or a fur dad. This is truly a That's-for-you, not-for-me situation.

I do not actively refer to myself as a dog-mom. I always say "I have two dogs".

Scott has sent me Mother's Day flowers from the dogs before. I've given him Father's Day cards from the dogs. We've never equated it to being actual mothers and fathers. It was just our version of a nod to the holiday.

It's also not really a comparison thing. In my mind, I can't relate the two: being a human's parent isn't the same as being a dog or cat's parent. It'd be like comparing the measurement of heat to the measurement of length: you can't do it.

Therefore, I don't think dog moms and dads should *seriously* be celebrated as the equivalent of human moms and dads on these Hallmark card holidays (because really now, that's what they are), but I also don't think they should be scoffed at.

Because, for some of us, our pets are literally all we have. I don't say that in a disparaging way. It's just the truth. Scout was my first baby. The first living thing I ever mothered. Jett came next. I took them seriously. Because I couldn't have a baby, yes. But I also took them seriously because they were all I had. Scott was deployed three times in the first four years we had the dogs. They were by my side every day. They were the ones I came home to and they were the ones who kept me company. They were the ones who I had to hug through fertility treatments, it's worth saying. I wouldn't have made it through those years in Colorado without them.

After we had Wells, I had to let them grow up a little bit. At first I was worried they'd think I didn't love them anymore and I plainly remember thinking how Wells just needed me so much more than they did (obviously!) so they needed to be on their own more. Plus, they so prefer Scott to me. It's not even a question. Also, they are very much their own dogs with their own preferences and I don't really infringe on that at this point. They're adults.

Getting back to the point of this post, I've seen a lot about both sides of being a fur mom or a fur dad over this last week. I think I always assumed that I would feel some sort of offense at the phrase after having my own child, but I don't. I don't call myself such, but I also don't care if you do. There's a lot of battles out there that need to be fought on the internet, but I'm happy to say that this isn't one of them for me. It might be the only instance where I can clearly state: you do you.


  1. People take offense to so much anymore....
    & I'm with you... you do you... what makes you happy.
    You're not in my life, I'm not in yours... I dont know why people dont grasp that

  2. Can relate a lot to this! My dog was my first baby! I don't call myself a fur mom, but I am totally fine with others who do. I have friends who call themselves fur moms because they can't have kids or don't want kids, and that is totally awesome for them to have these doggies to love. I feel like my poor dog has been neglected a bit since the kids came. I still love him obviously, but he is SOOO not the center of attention like he used to be. It makes me feel so bad.


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