August 18, 2016

Least favorite questions

What do you ask when you meet someone, or see someone you haven't in awhile?

I've done a lot of moving, a lot of meeting, and a lot of small talk. My top two least favorite questions are:

When is he coming home? Even if I knew, I wouldn't be able to tell you.


Have you thought about having kids? Since I do have a working brain, yes, I've thought about it.

I get both of these questions a lot.

The next question I never want to answer, or don't know how to answer, is How was your summer?

I usually say Good! How about you?

The response is usually Good, good! Did you go anywhere? What'd you do?

#1 No. I didn't go anywhere.
#2 Do you want an itemized list of what I did? It will involve snakes, pulling tumbleweeds, dogs, and watching TV.
#3 Just tell me where you went on vacation so we can move on.

I know I sound bitter. I try not to let that actually come out.

There's clearly nothing wrong with traveling and relaxing and having fun.

This picture is really neither relaxing or fun because it took some effort to scramble up on that thing.
I parkoured my way up, via the fence.

For the last several years, I haven't done those things in the summer because of circumstances. I mean, I've relaxed and done some fun things. I haven't done cross-country or intercontinental vacations in the summer though. A lot of teachers do these things, obviously, because that's their time off. It makes sense.

When your spouse isn't a teacher though, nothing changes in the summer for him or her. Even if Scott were here, we probably wouldn't go on vacation in the summer...I'm a fan of going places in the winter. EVERYONE vacations in the summer. It's like flying during Thanksgiving or Christmas. Pick an off week, not the most congested ones. Our trips are dictated by his schedule miraculously aligning with mine, and that doesn't happen often. It happens at Christmas and traveling at Christmas is hard on the soul. Plus, with any joint time off, we usually work on the house. Having a finished kitchen has always been my priority over a trip to the beach.

I never know how to answer the How was your summer? question because my answers are boring.  I think it's awesome if you got to travel over the summer, and I don't feel bad for myself because I haven't been hopping around the country (I feel bad for myself for other reasons, thankyouverymuch).

But I don't want you to feel bad for me either. There's a lot of things I would change right now, but wishing I'd gotten a chance to lay on a beach or walk the streets of NYC in recent weeks aren't some of them.

For the record, my go-to question when I meet someone new is usually Where are you from? because most people I know in any place I've been aren't actually from that place. Much better than What do you do? or *shudder* What does your husband do?...that's a common one in the military world.


  1. Oh friend....I love your honesty here. Sending you love.

  2. I hate what do you do out of the gate, as if your profession defines you. That is in direct violation of my life philosophy.

    I think we are conditioned to want/expect summer vacations because of our school years, but the only time I vacation in the summer is when my brother and SIL are in on it because they are teachers. LOL

  3. So working at a school but not being a teacher, the summer doesn't change much for me. I mean it's quieter and we can wear jeans but I still show up five days a week unless I use PTO. When professors come back after their time off, they expect some grand answer about how great the summer was... nope. I don't like "have you thought about kids?" but I will give it points over "WHEN are you having kids?"

  4. I'm never having kids and I tell people that. Some say that's cool. Others say, you'll change your mind and it's different when it's your own. Whatever. My goal in life is to travel. But I try to pick off season times. I was thinking you could use some Starbucks. That's a place of solace for me when I was "alone" and needed a break from the cats. I'll try to email that to you. Estherdavison@gmail.con

  5. I hate the kids question, too. I also hate it in the version of, "So, do you have kids?" That leads us to an awkward conversation which involves explaining that Scott's daughter passed away. The person/people asking the question always feel awful afterwards. I think people should just mind their own business about other people's kids (or lack there of). I find that most people who DO have kids, offer that info up readily. Plus, there can be a million reason why couples DON'T have kids, and do people really want to know that??

  6. I always loathed the kids question especially from strangers.

  7. I've stated several time that the kids question is all kinds of wrong.
    I think having a summer to relax and unwind plus be productive is a perfectly acceptable way for you to spend your time. Do I like to travel? Yes. But, I haven't really done much of it in recent years (pretty much since I moved here) unless it involves going to visit family.

  8. "Where are you from?" can be a complicated question, too. I usually just say I was born in Michigan...but later on in a relationship people will get really confused because it eventually becomes obvious I grew up in Asia, not Michigan. Angel usually says he's from Michigan....I don't know why, other than because it's the most recent place he lived in the USA. He lived in California for 20 years but most of the time he claims to be from Michigan. But complicated isn't bad...makes for more interesting conversations anyways!

  9. i hate the where are you from question hahahaha purely because of the people around here who ask it, they almost always follow up with stupid jokes or questions that i've heard a thousand times, and yes, i am bitter about it lol.
    i feel the same way about 'how was your weekend' as you do about how was your summer. every monday same thing. i don't do anything on the weekends, and even when i do, do the people asking actually care or want to know? nope.
    we travel in the summer because of KC. i wish we could travel more in the winter or fall or whatever, but it's too hard to get time off at the same time as him.. all my bosses and co-workers take off for spring/fall/christmas break, so i can't, so i get first dibs on summer vacation. anyway.


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