September 20, 2012

Is it okay?

Is it okay.. mix patterns in such ways?  I thought that maybe the sweater (the only animal print I own) looked okay with the scarf, but the plaid (as usual) was overkill.  I didn't wear the jacket and scarf most of the day anyway.

Is it okay.. have my hatred for this place grow exponentially with each passing day?  I don't mean, "Eh, I hate this place lol", or "This weather is CRAZY!".  I mean EX-PO-NENTIALLY.  I mean, I cry on my way to work.  I mean, I feel discouraged.  I mean, I know each horribly rainy, windy, snowy, lonely day is going to be just like the last, so I feel no motivation to try.  It all runs together for me.
Right now, I'm sitting here just waiting for the power to go out again.  Listening to the leak in the roof drip.  Because our landlord is a horrible, horrible woman, as well as an idiot.

What's that?  I've already depressed you?  You're welcome.

I'll tell you a story.

On Tuesday, the PFD was announced.  Every year, each Alaskan who claims to be a resident is given a check.  It's usually about $1200.  Usually.  Last year it was $1174. This year, by the government's extremely creative calculations, the amount is $878 per person.  There's a formula.  But I'm bad at math, so I'll spare you.  You can read about it here if you're so inclined.
In an effort to keep my non-Alaskan family and friends informed about what is going on in the fair 49th state, I posted the above link on Facebook.
It was then commented on.  By people, Alaskans, who were all, "Well, it's free money so let's be grateful!", "It's better than nothing!", "At least we didn't have to work for it!".

Excuse me?

What state do YOU live in, folks?

Every single day is work for me.  Work to not take off over the Canadian border.  Work to go to sleep alone, again, in a big ol' empty bedroom.  Work to not eat my weight in candy corn as I sit on the couch, listening to the wind howl every evening.

Just because YOU love it here, doesn't mean we all do.  Granted, I'd be here whether we got the PFD or not.  So I suppose I do see it as a "benefit".  But free money, it is not.

Erinn, who is a born and raised Alaskan now living in WA, said it best on Twitter:
"Most Alaskans believe being Alaskan is a privilege and the PFD is just a bonus. We think very highly of ourselves, you know :p"

(She's allowed to say that because she's from here.  And I'm allowed to quote her because she told me I could.)

Anyway, is it okay to be annoyed that the PFD is $300 less than last year?  I think so.  It's a free country, after all (thanks to my husband and soldiers like him, you-people-who-act-like-I'm-all-ungrateful).

I'm so glad I have a blog.  It'd be hard to cram all of this into a Facebook status.

Linking up with It's OK Thursday.


  1. Tears are no good! I'm so sorry to see that you're having a hard time. I have no suggestions other than oreos and ice cream. Feel better!

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  3. 1. it's totally okay if you mixed those patterns. As long as you wear it confidently, I say anything goes.

    2. Sorry for the suckfest, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Soon you'll be out of the hellhole. Sending you lots of hugs!

    3. I laughed out loud at the part about having a blog because you couldn't fit that into a fb status....I'm sure some people would try...

    hope your thursday goes better than weds! And ps I'd be pissed too about $300 less.

  4. Sorry you're having a tough time. :( I think the mixed patterns are just fine!

  5. first - love the friends picture. i miss that show. second that is depressing. i'm sorry. i'd definitely be having a hard time too and be annoyed about the $300 less. have you made a countdown yet for when you move?

  6. To be completely honest, our parents practiclly beat it into us that the PFD is something we should be grateful for no matter what. And if people really said how they would feel about the PFD, they would admit they are probably a little annoyed too that it is so much less. But, because we are conditioned to believe being Alaskan is the best ever and we should be grateful no matter what, they don't. But they are. You are not alone and those people are just being d-bags about it. I know if I still got the PFD I would be annoyed right there with you.
    All the things you're feeling I have felt at some point which is why I needed to leave for some time. It doesn't help you don't have a choice to live there either. It is ok to hate that place. I think if it wasn't home, I wouldn't love it as much as I do. Hang in there!
    Also, glad I could contribute to this post :)

  7. Sorry you are having a rough time! Hugs!

  8. It's definitely OK to mix patterns when it's cold outside. Truthfully, I'll go out in just about anything just as long as I stay warm. I look funky & you're going to laugh? I dont give a shit cause I'm not freezing.

    Dude, I'm sorry you're having a rough time but look at the upside, you're outta there REALLY soon! I hate people who tell you it's wrong to have an opinion. Complete BS. Last I heard it was your right as an American to say/think whatever you want. Preach it!

  9. I think pattern mixing is always okay :)

    Ugh...I can totally relate to how you feel. (Minus the part about my husband being gone, which makes your situation worse than mine by default.)

    Wish we lived closer so we could hang out and commiserate and complain about Alaska together while eating candy and watching stupid movies. It makes it so much easier when there's someone in the same boat as you.

    P.S. It's refreshing to hear someone from Alaska say it's okay to hate Alaska. That is literally the first time I have heard that.

  10. Okay, so I totally understand the living-where-you-hate thing and just having to get through the day. (Of course, my husband wasn't fighting a war for our freedom, so I can't even begin to get that part. Speak your mind girl! That's one of the things I love about you. :) Hang in'll be spring soon enough. Well...maybe?

  11. I would totally be pissed too if it was $300 less than last year!!

    That Chandler graphic made me laugh!!

  12. Ummm. I just found your post via twitter via Neely, and I KNOW it's Alaska, but how cold is it in September??? I think I need to pull out my computer and read your whole blog now! An you better believe they need to re-up your cost of torture payment if you're bundled in a hat and scarf!!

  13. I am so sorry you hate it there! Do you guys get to leave soon? When your husband is back, I mean. I'm really over sleeping alone. Sleep is horrible right now!

    I have to say that the funnies you post just make my day. Love that chandler one!

  14. I'm so sorry you're stuck in a place that you dislike so strongly! I'm glad blogging helps. For what it's worth I love all of your adorable Alaska outfits! And I think pattern mixing is totally allowed. Hang in there lady!

  15. I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time. While I can't completely understand, I can somewhat sympathize. I've had nights of tears for reasons I can't quite explain, but that I think stem from turning 30. The Alaskan weather seems to match my mood.

    I will be keeping you in my prayers. *hugs*

  16. I just want to send you a giant hug. Know that you've got some prayers coming your way lady :)


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