May 16, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey (If you liked the book, just leave now)

Oh where to begin?  It seems that this book is blowing up blogland.

At first, I was like, "Oh, I have to read it."  Then I was like, "Well, I'm cheap.  I hate spending money on books I won't like.  Will I like it?"  Then some friends were like, "Don't waste your money."  Then I was all in Target one day and had $12.76 just burning a hole in my pocket.  And I bought it.

So, aside from the fact that, as a teacher, I was flat-out insulted by the fact that Ms. James apparently needs an 8th grade English class review....I kept reading.  I ignored her silly use of italics (because I never do that, right?) and poor character development.

I began to wonder..

"Are the people who read this the same people who like Nicholas Sparks movies?"

Still, I kept reading.

And then I noticed something.

It seemed like, maybe just possibly, there was a parallel between this book and the Twilight series.  Same setting.  Same poor character development.   Same general rainy, gloomy mysteriousness surrounding it all.

This was a profound recognition on my part.

And then I read this hullabalooFifty Shades started as fan fiction?  Based off of Twilight?  And the characters are, like, the same?  No wonder it's so poorly written.  It reads exactly like fan fiction!  (Many [like me] say that Breaking Dawn reads like fan fiction, but that is neither here nor there...)

So I guess you can say that if you're a straight-up fan of Fifty Shades, you won't like my review.

It was silly, silly book.  Many people might disagree with the premise of the book or the ideas it throws out there.  But that's not why I don't like it.  (That'd be like saying you don't like True Blood because of the nudity.  True story.)  I don't like it because it's a poorly written book.

I find Christian to be annoying.  Like, stop being an asshat, Mr. Grey.  Stop trying to make Ana eat all the freakin' time.  That's the kind of crap that Edward pulls. (Oh-em-gee.  Ana is short for Anastasia.  Bella is short for Isabella.)

Clearly this is Twilight for adults...Bella worked at that stupid outdoors store in Forks.  Ana works at a damn hardware store.
There's many more parallels I can draw here, just in the first half of the first book.  But just looking through the pages for examples is ticking me off.  

Ms. James clearly just wanted more than what Stephenie Meyer had to offer, so she went off on her own little trilogy of a tangent.

A random comment from a website that sums up my feelings nicely:

I didn't even finish the book.  This is literally all I have to say about it.

If you want my copy, I'll mail it to you.  First person to email me their address gets it.  Woo-hoo.

And because I was so caught up in my 50-Shades-of-Grey-discontentment, I forgot to mention this:  the copy of The Snow Child that I'm giving away is an AUTOGRAPHED copy.  Maybe that'll make entering the giveaway worth your while??  


  1. Kristin, you crack me up! Love your honesty about the book. Honestly, I've heard people loving it, but when I ask what it's about the only thing I hear back is "a love story with lots of sex."

    Not my kind of book. I like a good murder thrown in, and a mysery. If it's anything like Nicholas Sparks for sure no thank you. If I want to cry I'll go watch "we bought a zoo" again (true story, I cried).

  2. you are funny. I have not read it and don't plan on it - although I did like the twilight books. : ) I don't think this series is one I'd like or read.

  3. Thanks for posting on my blog. It's nice to see a review from an opposing opinion that is actually sensible and doesn't just hate them because of the subject manner. I agree that the books resemble Twilight in several ways.

  4. Part of me wants to email you my address. Because now I'm totally intrigued. I have to read it, for a mom's night out, a bunch of us are reading it, but now I'm so intrigued by all the Twilight-ness I'd read it anyway, just to see. :) But buying it will blow if I don't like it. (However, I'm sappy and, I hate to admit, was totally addicted to Twilight...)

  5. Thank you thank you thank you! Finally someone see's this POS book for what it really is, crap. You already know I couldnt get past the 5th chapter, I'm just glad to know I wasnt the only that couldnt go on.

  6. HAHA! I love this. I haven't had the slightest inkling of wanting to read this books because it just seemed from the get-go to be some sad attempt at making a cheap buck. That being said, I didn't want to criticize it without reading it so I've kept my mouth shut.

    So THANK YOU for confirming my suspicions! (and for drawing lines to Twilight and Sparks - I can now refer to these three literary atrocities as the Unholy Trifecta.

  7. haha Thank you Lauren, for naming the Unholy Tridecta. I whole heartedly agree. I told a friend this morning that the SHOUTY CAPITALS were my biggest pet peeve. Well that, and this was apparently Ana's first kiss, but she was totally cool with the whole thing. Get over it, people.

  8. haha you are funny! I haven't read this book and I have no desire to. Definitely does not sound like my kind of thing.

  9. I am proud to say that I've never read the Twilight books, nor have I seen the movies. I have no desire to do so and never will. I am also glad to have your warning to steer clear of this book! :)

  10. Maybe I won't read it. EVERYone is talking about it, like you said- so I like to be in-the-know, but I downloaded a free sample yesterday and was pretty unimpressed. Thanks for your review!


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