More about Jett

I have shared that we lost Jett right before Christmas. It's been two months now and I can't believe it's only been two months. But I also can't believe that Jett isn't here anymore. 

I thought it was worth mentioning that Wells actually, in the moment, took it the hardest. That’s because he has that child-like innocence and didn’t know the seriousness of the situation; I’ve been grieving Jett since April, when he was diagnosed with what they thought was a tumor but wasn't(?). We’re still not sure, to be honest. At this point, I miss his presence (waiting by his food at 5am, staring at you until you relented and fed him or treated him, sleeping with his paws up in the air, wagging his butt when he sees you come home) and I think Scott misses him truly the most. 

But in that several month process of mourning my dog for most of 2024, I held on so tightly to worry and anxiety. That if I worried enough, I could help the situation. So I worried. It didn’t help. Many nights I literally didn’t sleep because I was racked with worry. That got me nowhere. 

I downloaded an anxiety bible reading plan (a habit I picked up over the summer) and I found it immediately to be what I needed:

It told me to literally write down my worries and hand them to God. I did:

about a week before he died

I don’t know that I *stopped* worrying but I let go of the control I wanted and would never have.

Symbolic, yes. But it worked. 

Basically I handed over my worry in exchange for peace. Peace for Jett. Peace for me. The situation was preordained, I just had to trust in something other than myself.

I handed over Jett over to God on a Wednesday night. The next morning I called to find a vet appointment that day and they were able to squeeze me in that afternoon. (Rare.)

The vet gave me enough confidence to get me through to the weekend, when Scott would be home. He was coming off of two weeks away, working in Alaska. 

On Friday afternoon, MU veterinary hospital called to say there was a cancellation for Monday, December 16th and would I like it? moving my appointment that was previously scheduled for January 6th. Yes.That was nothing outside of Providence: I couldn’t believe being on the cancellation list for a place scheduling over a month out had worked in my favor.

They called half an hour before I left school, allowing me to put in for and quickly prep the room for a sub. 

Saturday and Sunday, Scott came home, and all was uneventful. He told me not to worry because the only thing we could do was see what they said at MU. I was really hoping they would sedate him, do the same procedure he had last time with strong antibiotics flushing the area, and send us on our way. It usually cost about $600 to have that done. 

Monday, I took Jett to Columbia and they offered me $8,000-10,000 worth of surgery and tests. 

That was all they could suggest. The diagnostics alone, on that day, would run $2,000 if I opted for that.

I couldn’t do that. We couldn’t hand over $10,000 on a 10 year old dog when it was going to be “we won’t know exactly what’s going on until we’re in there”. 

That made it really easy to call Scott and make a decision.

The vet looked quite crestfallen when I said I was just going to take him home. I don’t know that the vet was a bad person but I do know that MU veterinary hospital seems to be a bit of a money-making scheme and perhaps we should’ve taken him to St. Louis way back when instead. (The wait time in St. Louis had been so much longer last spring--8 weeks compared to 4 weeks--just for the consult and MU was closer.)

Anyway. Jett was all smiles when we left MU in Columbia having only paid the $230 appointment fee(!). He knew he was done with procedures. We put him through a lot in 2024.

Before I even left though, I called our regular vet to make an appointment to put him to sleep. We knew he wasn’t going to make it much longer without major intervention and he wasn’t improving on his own.

Scott was going to take him in on Wednesday, 12/18, in the afternoon.

But Monday night, he started to take a turn for the worst: accidents, just staring at us, throwing up, not being able to get comfortable. He was up all night long. (Scott thought he might have to do this himself, if you know what I mean.)

After no sleep for anyone, I called an emergency animal hospital in Springfield the second they opened at 7am on Tuesday. They were able to fit us in that afternoon. It’s about a 90 minute drive, we’d never been there before, and Scott was going to take him by himself. 

He had a meeting at work that morning so he took Jett to work with him and Scott said Jett slept peacefully in the car all day, which was a relief because he hadn’t slept at all the night before and also had thrown up the pain meds and sedatives we’d given him. 

I wasn’t there obviously so I’m just going off of what Scott reported, but he said he got Jett a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger on the way and it was thoroughly enjoyed.

I was worried I’d made the wrong decision scheduling this at a random vet in Springfield but Jett was not going to last another day in such pain. Scott said the vet's office was the friendliest and kindest and most accommodating he could’ve imagined. They did everything they could to make it peaceful and easy for both of them. Other clients let him skip the line. They held open doors. They gave Jett a rug to stand on because the tile was slippery. You get the idea. 

Again, completely Providential that this random Google search at 6:45am gave us exactly what we needed. 

My biggest fear when we got dogs, honestly, is that this would fall on me when they became older because Scott was always deployed so much. Ironically, he was away the first two weeks in December and I was really concerned it would come to that. How good of God to have him home for this. Not that I’m deserving of any particular favors, but handing over the control made me feel that it would work out and God knew that. It doesn’t mean I was less anxious but it meant I knew worrying wouldn’t help.

And yeah, Wells took it the hardest during that week. I tried to explain that Jett had a lovely and full life before Wells even came along. I went through all the states he’s lived, all the hunting trips, all the rabbits he’s chased (and killed), and all the nights Jett sat up with us while we fed newborn babies. (He jumped into newborn Wells’ crib once, just to get closer to him.)

Scott got him a stuffed rabbit “from Jett”. Wells talks to it. Its name is Bun-bun because that’s what Jett “called” rabbits. 

In the end, Scott did choose cremation for Jett. Initially, he really wanted Scout to be able to see him after he passed so he’d know he was gone. Logistically, it didn’t work to take Scout along, and Scott didn’t want to bring Jett home and traumatize the kids. Plus, we will buy property for our forever home soon enough and I’d like to be able to bury all dogs there together some day.

I read once that it’s better to put a dog to sleep a day early rather than a day late. I feel like we were definitely late and that’s what made it extra hard. However, selfishly, it gives us absolute certainty that it was the right choice. He seemed fine enough over the weekend and I did have hope that the doctors would be able to help him on Monday, the 16th. They seemed absolutely certain that surgery would fix him, but unless they were willing to do that surgery right then and there, he wouldn’t have made it. I think that vet visit was the final straw for him and he was ready. 

Monday afternoon into Monday night, he took a nosedive and we knew immediately. I had told Scott not to tell Wells until Wednesday morning (the day of the original appointment) but it turned into telling Wells on the way out the door to school Tuesday as Scott was bundling Jett into the car to take him along to work. So, not great. But he knew Jett was sick because he went to most of the appointments with me. 

Just writing this all down because, really, I want to recommend the Spring Valley Veterinary Hospital (East) in Springfield, MO. 

And also because the act of giving it up to God really helped me to just let it be. Cannot recommend enough. 

I wrote this awhile ago and rereading it now makes me sad, of course, but mostly just because we still miss the lovable and content Jett we loved so much. Two months out, I think mostly about the good times and I printed out a bunch of pictures so Wells can look at them whenever he wants.