Deployments in context

I've felt like a gigantic wimp for the last few months. I've had a lot of trouble reconciling my feelings because I know I'm not a wimp (not exactly anyway) but I've felt weak.  I spent nearly an entire year on my own during deployment #2.  And now 5 measly months was going to break me? That doesn't make sense.

Note: I'm not looking for praise or headpats here.  It is what it is.  Ryan and I talked about this.  If you're not used to your husband being away for a night, a night away is a big deal.  The first night Scott was away after we'd been in this house for a month last summer, I freaked out. I, the same person who'd spent 2012 by herself. 

Deployment can mean so many different things, in many different ways, to different people.  It's all context.  Context is very important.  To someone who has never dealt with it before, a 4 month deployment (like deployment #1 for us) was enough to push me to the edge of losing my mind.  To someone who tried her hardest to worry about other things, a 12 month deployment, though slightly torturous, was do-able.  And now, to that same person who now has a full-time job, two dogs, 35 acres, a remodeling project, and a 40 minute commute? Five months can seem like an absolute eternity.

I suppose my point is that I know other people have had it worse than me, and I know some who  have had an easier go of it. Our situations, our stories, and our context is what makes the difference.  I really doubt this is our last deployment, TDY, or training (even in 2015, unfortunately), but for now I'm really glad that it's over.

I don't really have wise words or sage bits of advice for anyone out there who may be going through the same thing.  I would say to get a dog to keep you company but dogs are lots of work.  So think about that first. Find a hobby maybe, or get a job.  Jobs help.  These last few weeks have crawled by in a painfully slow way.  I wouldn't have made it to this point with my sanity in tact if I didn't have a place to go most days.