January 15, 2013

Coldest night ever

See this picture?

It's been my husband's desktop picture on his laptop for 3 years now.

It was taken in December 2009 at a Christmas tree lighting ceremony.  The only reason I haven't erased this experience from my memory entirely is because I see this picture every time I walk by Scott's computer.

Scott was deployed in December 2009.  I sent him the picture, along with a few others, to prove that I was out and about and surviving in this great state.  I'd been living here for about 2 months at that time.

I went to the ceremony with some friends.  It was about 15* out that night so, really, not even that cold.  I wore snow boots, jeans, turtleneck, sweater, scarf, hat, gloves...the usual.

Well, friends, that was the coldest night of my life.  My feet were FROZEN.  I mean, numb.  The tree lighting took place on a make-shift ice rink, so I was walking around on a lot of snow and ice.  I spent the majority of the time running in and out of the warming tent because I couldn't stand to actually be outside.

When I got home, many torturous hours later, I could barely get my boots off.  My feet hurt..from the cold numbness they'd been living in for the last 3 hours.  It took a good hour of rubbing to get non-painful feeling back into them.

This is the clincher:  No one else was cold.  Everyone thought I was insane (or weak...probably weak). Everyone else was having a fantabulous time.  Absolutely delightful it was to them.

This just made me mad.  They were dressed, really, no more warmly than I was.  This was when I realized I was different.  I didn't fit.  This was the beginning of the downward spiral that culminated with this post back in September.

Of course, I thought it was just me..that it was a fluke.  I kept trying again...and again...and again.  It got no better.  The majority of the experiences I've had here usually end up with me being cold and wet.  And angry or pouty.  (See: Clam digging). This camping trip last year didn't result in that, but I really wanted a shower after 18 hours at the campground in the wilderness.

Have you ever had that moment where you realize you don't fit?  Sometimes you can pinpoint it, sometimes you can't.  I DEFINITELY can, in this case.

Oh, look.  It's the wintertime view at our first house in Alaska.  *shudder*

*Oh, and you should probably enter this giveaway.  Starbucks, anyone??*

Oh again.  Do you like Target?  Head over to Mrs. K's blog to check out another giveaway.  It's a busy week 'round here.


  1. I have often felt like I don't fit. It happens and it sucks. I do like the picture though. :)

  2. There have been a few moments like that for me. I'm dreading moving somewhere where it will snow. I love CA and being able to go to the snow if I want to (I don't) but that picture just makes me shiver. I'm going to need a whole new wardrobe.

  3. I realized I didn't fit here after my first...oh, 3 months or so of living here. I moved here in May, and it was seriously the best summer weather I've seen here so far. It was in the 60's and 70's almost every single day, there was barely any rain, and I was dating a cute boy. It was awesome. And then fall hit. I realized I really didn't have any friends. The rain started - and pretty much hasn't stopped since (just throw some snow in there between December and May). I don't wear sweatpants/yoga pants/Uggs/Grundens hoodies 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I could go on, but...I know you know what I'm saying. Sitka and me, we just don't get along.

  4. Just by seeing that photo I can see I'd never ever fit in there. Not only do I not like the snow or the cold but I also dislike snow boots.

    Good think you'll be joining the warmer climate soon :)

  5. I do understand that feeling. I am excited for you to get out of the land of cold!

  6. Seriously. You just described last years' softball opening ceremonies to a T. EVERYONE was fine. I? Could not feel my hands or my feet and was SO cold. It took an hour for them to wake up when we got home.

  7. I would have frozen too I hate being cold

  8. Good news is that you only have a little bit of time left!

    I totally didn't fit at my first full time teaching job. I know its not the same as where living in Alaska, but it was not a good place for me and I realized it before the end of the first trimester.

  9. I remember when I tried to move back to CA after living in Portland for a year... I lasted two months. Aside from missing Jared like crazy, I missed my LIFE here. And when I tried to revisit my old favorite haunts to cheer myself up only to find they made me feel sadder and more isolated, I knew I didn't belong there. I did not fit there (and very possibly, never had).

    Moving back to OR was the best decision I ever made - in that case, realizing I didn't fit was the most amazing catalyst to get to the life I have now and I am SO grateful for it!

    And OMG, you're almost out of Alaska! Time to plan a party.

  10. Ugh, I hate the cold. This morning It was 29 degrees before school started today, and I was early. I was only wearing chambray and a crewneck, so I was really cold. Obviously I started crying. Best response right? Seriously, it shouldn't be legal to get that cold in CA. It's like all the cold and windshield-scraping of snow without the magical whiteness.

    I'm so glad you get to leave AK soon. Stay strong! :)


  11. When I first moved to NJ I hated it. I didn't fit in at all. After 2years I felt right at home. Now I've been here 8 and can't imagine living anywhere else.

    I *despise* being cold and wet. Alaska is clearly not for me. Visit, yes. Live, no.


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