February 21, 2012

Health-ness (definitely not a word)

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Since I was a teenager, I've had some body image issues.  No one who wears the size I wear would ever be considered "fat", but we ALL have those days.  You know what kind of days I'm talking about...Those ones where nothing seems to look or fit right.

 I'm working on this issue.  Slowly, but surely... 

At one point, in high school, I lost about 20 pounds, and it was indeed 20 pounds that needed to be lost and not found again.   I managed to stay slim (think:  size 3/4/5) for most of high school and all of college.

In my last semester of college, with the stress of student teaching, I gained about 15 pounds.  I was not pleased.  At that point, I was concerned about the idea of not being "thin", so I, vainly, lost the weight and was back to my normal self.  I didn't really do this through exercise; it was mostly dietary changes.

Once in Alaska, my husband's first deployment (though only 4 months), spiraled me into eating Doritos and cookies every day.  Plus, I had made new friends who often socialized through eating out.  I ate a lot of french fries that winter...

I gained a few pounds, freaked out, and went on a quest to lose them through exercise.  It worked.

The next winter, I was supremely stressed out because I was working, commuting, and moving.  I gained those same 5-7 pounds back.  I worked feverishly all summer to lose them.  Again, it came off.

Then, my husband deployed (yes, again).  I knew I had to make a change.  I had joined a gym, but I was so busy trying to spend most waking moments with my husband before he left, that I was essentially just making a monthly donation.

January 2012 came and I needed something to occupy my time.  I started going to the gym everyday.  I've started running, ellipti-cizing (also not a word), spinning, and turbokicking.  This, in addition to my usual toning routine, has made for a much happier Kristin. 

After 10+ years of struggling with body image, I'm finally starting to get that if I feel good, I have a better image of my body.  In order to feel good, I have to work out.  There is no way around it.  In all my years of playing soccer, there was a reason I felt so good after practice was over.  I LOVE sore muscles.  I relish them.  I want them every morning, because that means I pushed myself the day before. 








Maintenance is when it becomes a lifestyle.  I don't want to lose weight.  Losing weight is actually the easy part.  Keeping your weight where you want it is the challenge.  As in, habitually making good choices when it comes to food and exercise.

It means, "No, I don't think I will have that doughnut for breakfast."  "Nah, I have food at home, I don't need to stop at McDonald's after work." "You know, I'm going to go to the gym because laying on the couch is just that much more satisfying after I get in a workout."
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This does not mean I don't eat junk food.  I eat chocolate or ice cream or cookies or somethinglikethat every day.  However, I like to think that the fact that I eat healthy food and portions for my actual meals makes up for my 9pm ice cream sundae habit.  
My personal #1 secret??  I don't eat fast food.  Ever.  It's been yearrrrrssss.  I never planned it that way; it just happened somewhere in the middle of college and I haven't been to a fast food place since, I think, 2007.  The only take-out we ever get is the occasional Papa John's (the last time was Sept. 2011).
Also, for Lent this year, I'm giving up all soda and candy.  I've been pretty much off of all soda since the new year began, but you have no idea how quickly I'll annihilate a bag of Sour Patch Kids if given the opportunity...May it be better than last year's Lenten experience
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Oh, and I'm really, REALLY trying this whole No Fat Talk resolution.  As in appreciating what your body can do for you, not pouting over what it doesn't look like.  For instance, I'm appreciating that my body has not forgotten how to run. It's been a few years (umm..like 7 since I've really run).  It's amazing what your muscles don't forget.  Join me in appreciating the positive and working on (not berating) the negative??
Do you have body image issues?  I would definitely feel supported if I knew I wasn't the only one.  People always "appear" to not have this problem.  Who knows..maybe I "appear" to not have this problem too.

20 comments:

  1. another thing we have in common! I struggle with this a lot! I eat pretty healthy and I work out everyday. I can get obsessed over the scale and making sure I fit in a work out every day and am working on not letting that rule how I feel day to day. I do know that part of feeling good about myself is working out and I love how I feel when I know I've worked out hard. (BUT I also eat quite a lot of sweets and was thinking about trying to give those up too!) And I played soccer for years too! I'm with you in working on the positive thinking!

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    1. I learned that scales can be horribly inaccurate, so I get more obsessed with the way my jeans fit. I wish someone was forcing me to play soccer now, because then I'd be in great shape!

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  2. I'm with you on this "No Fat Talk." I actually wrote a post today about how negativity and shaming myself will not help me meet my goals.

    Good for you on the no fast food. I used to eat it a few times a week. Now I'm down to a few times a month. I'm ready to give it up for good. It definitely doesn't taste as good as it used to. Why did I ever think it tasted good?

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    1. I'm with you! I don't understand the appeal of fast food.

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  3. Your made-up words are awesome. Ellipti-cizing is particularly snazzy.
    I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who never thinks about their weight. It's gotta do with society today and how body image is portrayed.
    I agree, though, I feel sooo good when I work out. The hard part is often making myself get there. I'm sure it's harder being in the cold. Boo.

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    1. The extra daylight these days has increased my motivation :)

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  4. I love your dedication to this and I'm totally jelaous of it! I wish I could talk myself off of my couch more often!

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    1. I just started telling myself that it wasn't optional anymore. 5 days a week of cardio is what I've been doing.

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  5. Girl, I totally get the body image issues. I've been battling them since I was 15. I know inside I'm not as huge as I feel or think I am but I can't help feeling that way. Even when I was unsafe-skinny in college, I still felt bad about myself. I need to try to take No Fat Talk resolution. I try hard, but even if I don't say it...I still feel it. Oh, and I agree - if I don't work out, I'm not in a happy place. Exercise is my little purple pill.

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    1. If only we could see the thoughts that go through everyone's head about their own body image!

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  6. You go girl!!!!! That's all I have to say :)
    Oh, and that working out and sore muscles do feel awesome!!! And although it is hard trying to find time to do that with a busy schedule, it is SO worth it!
    PS. I hardly ever eat fast food/drink soda anymore...ever since I graduate college (Dec.) I've tried to eat healthier. I love how my body feels without a lot of sugar and fats. I did eat a fry from a fast food place yesterday and although it was delicious, the greasy feeling it left in my mouth was not pleasant.
    Wow, longer comment than I expected. Sorry! :)

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    1. College to real life is a hard transition. For me the problem started when I had my own kitchen and actually had to cook everyday . Bad choices were being made at first!

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  7. I am so proud of you! I know you dreaded going to the gym or even going out in the cold before! I love that you've adopted a new attitude and have made some changes. I need your motivation! I hate the gym, but lately I've been working out again. Once the weather warms up, I'll work out more, but the cold scares me for now!

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    1. Even in the summer, I have a hard time working out outside here. It rains a lot and is always just kind of cool. Fall-ish. I need the sunburn and sweat to prove I've really been working!
      They say it takes 30 days to form a habit...Keep at it :)

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  8. I feel like no matter what I weigh or how much I go to the gym, it is never enough. I love your perspective on this... it really is about a healthy lifestyle, not an obsession with weight! Thanks for this great post to kick-off my week :) So impressed with your gym-going!!!

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    1. Right?! I've been to the gym sooo much, but I still feel like if I miss a day I'm "behind". I'm not sure why we do this to ourselves..

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  9. I have really struggled since Ive had Bennett, my body just never went back to normal! So a few weeks ago, I started using the app 'my fitness pal' and tracking my calories and actually thinking before I ate something...Im 6lbs down already and hoping for another 5 to follow suit. Lent is the perfect time to refrain from sweets and take care of my body. Keep up the good work girl!

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    1. As much as I want kids, it terrifies me to think that then I might lose control over what my body looks like. I've heard so many great things about "my fitness pal". Is it on the iPhone??

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  10. I love this post. I think those kinds of issues are very common. I've had two kids, and I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but my body doesn't look the same. I know part of it is eating... but you made a great point: You work out to FEEL GOOD! You eat right to FEEL GOOD! Looking good is a by product.

    I'm in the fitness industry part time (instructor) and I feel the pressure to look a certain way (in fact, I teach Turbokick!) But I know that even if I don't look perfect, I'm healthier than most people. And if I make the choice to eat less and focus on getting that look, it's a CHOICE. It's not a requirement.

    Okay, that was a lot of talking. Keep up the good work!

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  11. LONG COMMENT ALERT:

    Prior to getting pregnant, I wanted to lose 30 pounds that had crept up on me over the course of 3 or 4 years. At first, when I found out I was pregnant, I was TERRIFIED to think that I might gain more weight on top of the 30 I already wanted to lose, and that I would turn into this huge monster of a beast.

    At 6 months pregnant, I have only had a net-gain of 5 pounds. In my first few months of pregnancy, I actually lost weight due to nausea and not wanting to eat anything because it all grossed me out. If I keep up with only gaining what is absolutely necessary to sustain me and the baby, I am actually on track to weigh LESS after giving birth than I did prior to becoming pregnant. While I haven't lost those 30 pounds, being pregnant has actually made me want to be healthier and actually feel and look healthier.

    Not to sound vain, but I look GOOD for a pregnant lady. I am ONLY carrying in my belly so far. From the hips down and in my face, I do not even look pregnant. Besides the belly the size of a soccer ball and the boobs that would make any adult film star jealous, I would argue that I actually look better (and smaller) than I did prior to pregnancy. I have maybe two stretch marks and that's it (and I already had some from growth spurts in my teen years anyhow, so it's no big deal at all)!

    In other words, knowing how healthy you are and want to continue to be, pregnancy should not scare you as much as it should some women. Women who say, "Cool! I can eat whatever I want now!" Are the ones who end up gaining like 40+ pounds (and that's not even healthy for the baby).

    I am excited to have the baby and get back in the best shape of my life, so I can have a long, healthy life with little Baby Clark and Shawn. Being pregnant has actually improved my health. And, as scary as pregnancy was initially (and can still be), it is worth EVERY SINGLE FEAR OR BODY CHANGE you might have. When you're ready, you'll know. I didn't think I was ready when I found out, but God had better plans for me, and I discovered that I'm not only ready, but super excited! :) You'll be an awesome Mommy someday, when you and Scott are ready! :)

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