December 6, 2016

The Gift of Deployment


I know that title sounds funny, and I know that, generally, people feel bad for the spouses of deployed soldiers. And I fully admit that I've turned feeling sorry for myself into an art form during certain time periods from the last 7 years.

However, going through the redeployment process (the process of coming back from a deployment) is a special kind of gift. Deployment in itself is a life-changing process for both spouses and I've gotten a lot out out of it, whether I've wanted to or not.

People cock their head to the side and say Awww if I say that Scott is deployed. Fellow military spouses usually just nod and give a tight smile, because they know exactly everything that is running through my head. I generally don't tell people my story unless it really happens to come up. I've noticed that it comes up a lot less these days than it used to; I don't know if this is because I'm less inclined to go there or because people are more into talking about themselves and I'm more into listening (i.e. just letting them talk).

Anyway.

One of my very first army wife friends told me that deployment was a weird and strange gift. (I may or may not have talked about this before...I can't remember.) At the time, I was very young and assumed that God was playing games with me and trying to torture me. However, over the years, I've come to realize that what she was saying was more than true.

A homecoming ceremony is better than anything I can actually imagine. The giddiness and happiness and all-encompassing joy you feel to know your loved one is anticipated to be in that crowd of camouflage is like nothing else. It makes the months of deployment worth it. It's like a thousand Christmas mornings wrapped into one (and none of us will get to live a thousand Christmases, so that's what I imagine it to be like). I never reflect back on it as a big deal. I never remember that feeling until I'm in that last week or so of the throes of deployment and then I remember and it all comes rushing back. Every homecoming ceremony we've done (four now, and some more ceremonious than others) materializes in my mind and I remember.

And, in all honesty, I feel bad for people who never get to experience this. I've been taught appreciation and perseverance and independence in a tough way. I am so very grateful for this. Deployment is hard. It's all-consuming in so many ways. But it has literally shaped me into the person I am. It's taught me patience and trust and reliance on God. It's made me wish time away and lament my luck and complain. It's made me cry happy and sad tears at once. It's made me fearful and anxious. It's made me realize how life can be chunked into befores and afters. It's made me appreciate my spouse in a way that we don't always remember to do. Even the messy house, the incredibly messy house, that I'm left with when he does get home...I appreciate that.


It must be said that not all families get to experience a happy homecoming and, trust me when I say, military families' hearts break when they hear of tragedy. It becomes nearly impossible not to dwell on the idea of something bad happening almost all of the time. Compartmentalizing is key. This is where patience, trust, and reliance comes in; to not be fearful in the waiting, to trust that you will come through this one way or another, and to rely on God because you, dear military spouse, are definitely not in control. It took me a long time to give up my "control". I never really had any, of course. I just tried to control through my worry and fretting and that was not a productive way to live. Because the other part of deployment is that you have to go on living while they're gone; which is why this blog is so important to me. It's a record of my independent life that I've fought really hard for during these times of worry and stress.

I have tips for living the military spouse life and many thoughts on the subject. I do not consider myself an expert but I have experience and sometimes, in the military world, that's enough to qualify as someone who appears to know what they're doing.

12 comments:

  1. Aww! This is too sweet. I'm so glad that you get to have that joyous homecoming experience and that he's back with you now. I don't have much connection to the military--but growing up in a family that moved frequently and with a dad that had to be away for work a total of 4 months a year, sometimes more...I really looked forward to growing up to the lifestyle of staying in one place with a non-traveling spouse. We haven't done too well at staying in one place but I'm grateful neither nurses nor teachers typically have to travel for work. Obviously deployment is a totally different ball game than normal work travel.

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  2. I'm glad you're able to find the good in what I can only assume is an extremely stressful situation.

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  3. I know it's a little similar but also not at all, but each semester Jason is gone (not gone like Scott gone), I've had to find my own independence from within, and then when he gets a small break, it's so exciting and I appreciate what we have so much during that time, that we somehow survived it. So I can imagine that the redeployment does feel that way (I always feel so hesitant to say anything like that b/c I know it's not the same, though I feel like I can relate so much!)!

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  4. You are a trooper and you have to be because like you said, you really don't know what's going on or what will happen. Do you guys know if another deployment is on the horizon? I know you're waiting for your next station or whatnot still.

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  5. I stand in awe of military families. I cant imagine all the emotions wrapped up in the whole process... but I do love seeing pictures of the homecomings. The best part of it all!!!

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  6. What a cool way to look at it. I can't imagine all of that excitement. I love that you think of your blog as a way to document your independence, too.

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  7. I find separations have their good and their bad, and if you try to focus on the better parts, you can appreciate them for what they are. They just are something you have to work through. I know I've grown stronger with each separation, deployment or TDY or whatever.

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  8. I definitely thing separations have their good and bad aspects. I thrive on time by myself, it helps me focus on myself.

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  9. i think it's awesome you are able to find the good in something that from the outside looks pretty not great. i'm not comparing deployment to long distance by any means because neither of us were in danger (well KC was in the military when we dated, but never deployed while we were together) and we *could* see each other whenever time or money allowed it. and long distance truly does suck, but i found the good in it as well, and the airport reunions are some of my favourite memories. the goodbyes sucked but the reunions.. i love airports because of that.
    anyway. i know it's like 1% of what you guys go through and i'm not trying to say it's the same. but it did teach me to seek the good in crappy situations.

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  10. You're a strong woman. It was the most stressful thing of my life, having Isaiah gone at the police academy for 15 weeks, and if I had to do that over and over I don't know that I could ever consider it a blessing in disguise. For me, it was amazing when he was finally done and he got to come home with me after graduation and that memory is awesome, but I don't want to do it again. Ever.

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  11. This post made me feel overly emotional. I got teary and goosebumps at the same time. I appreciate your perspective that you've shared after Scott has settled somewhat back home and you've been able to reflect on the both of your experiences. Thank you for sharing.

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  12. This is such a beautiful post! I completely understand what you mean, and I think it really does help the heart grow fonder and you appreciate your significant other that much more. Glad that he'll be home for Christmas with you and you all will get to enjoy the holidays together this year. :)

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