October 18, 2016

I think I know my love language

I read The Five Love Languages about 4 years ago and Scott read it around the same time. We have it in the basement somewhere. He told me he didn't know what my love language was and I also couldn't pinpoint his.

I would come back to this thought every few months, every time Jojo would mention it on The Bachelorette, and reflect on Hmmmm, I wonder where I fit?

However, I think I know now. I don't know that this is something you can pin down when you're 25 years old. I feel like you need to be able to have some life experience under your belt; to know how you react to certain circumstances, to know what makes you tick. These things aren't always evident right away.

After listening to Gretchen Rubin's podcast episode on this topic a few weeks ago, I really started wondering about it again. I put myself in different situations, thinking about what made me happy and what just rolled off my back.

I think I'm Acts of Service. I appreciate the little things. The easiest way to get me on your side is to do something nice for me. I think we're all a little bit Words of Affirmation, but I'd rather have someone do something for me than tell me I did a good job. Words can be empty, you know?

Where this really comes in is that whatever our particular language is, that's what we tend to display to others because we understand it. Therefore, I'm all about Acts of Service. I pack Scott's lunch, I make dinner, I put clothes away and prep the things he needs for each next day as naturally as I do for myself. It's just part of my routine. When he can't find something, I know where it is (usually). Does he always appreciate this as much as I would? I know he's grateful, but he doesn't react the way I would because he's not Acts of Service. That MY language.

What's his?

Well. He's definitely into Words of Affirmation and I'm, for a teacher, remarkably bad at telling people what they need to hear. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I'm one of those people who never knows the right thing to say. I'm getting better at it, I think. Or maybe worse. I can't really tell. It depends on the situation.


What's your love language?


  1. I've always found the love languages interesting and I've recommended looking into it for so many friends of mine who were struggling at times to feel understood by their counterpart. And I think it really helps, because once you know how someone shows love (and how someone needs it shown) you can recognize when those things are done more readily, and you know to make more effort in other ways that are needed.

  2. Ha, you and your husband are exactly the same as me and mine (grammar??!), right down to the fact I'm honestly useless at words of affirmation. They weren't done at all when I was growing up (neither home nor school) so it's completely alien to me! Also my acts of service often go unnoticed. We really needed to read this book! I also listened to the Gretchen Rubin podcast on the issue, it didn't really have any new news in it for me but it was a good reminder.

  3. Keith would be time together and I think I'm a bit of all that. I need to read that book!

  4. haha - the Bachlorette GIF ... I remember that hot mess moment.
    The test I took said I was Gifts... which makes me feel like it sounds so materialistic - but I feel like I like the point of 'remembering things' - being made that you feel special. I think I'm a combo of gifts & acts of Service... all about appreciation

  5. MFD is words of affirmation and I'm acts of service. You want me to know you love me? Run the vacuum.

  6. I am absolutely Quality Time mixed with a little bit of Gifts. My tank starts running on E when Isaiah has to work overtime and we don't get a single day off together for a while.

    He is definitely a mix of Touch and Words of Affirmation.

    I will tell you that the fact that we are exact opposites was a struggle for a while!

  7. Andrew is acts of service and quality time. I'm words of affirmation and physical touch. He thinks it's BS but I think realizing that him doing chores is him saying he loves me is essential to not killing one another.

  8. i thought this was super interesting when i first discovered it. i thought for sure KC would be touch but he is words of affirmation, which totally blew my mind. i am quality time 100%, in fact i took the test again to make sure ;) i also really like gifts and KC laughed when we found that out. but it could be like stopping to get a soda because he thought i might like one, you know? not like jewellery or anything. i like to know i was thought of, which sounds pretty vain haha. i don't like people doing things for me - like my chores and stuff. i'd rather do them myself and be told i'm appreciated. wow, i sound really snotty right now, but it just goes to show how different everyone is. time spent together is super important to me and after we took the test, KC finally realised it, which was fabulous. oh, my friend who told me about the test/book? they read the book and took the test before they got married, and like 10 years later they decided to do it again and they were both different. so i think it is totally reasonable to take it multiple times, or change. i mean, i'm 30 next year and i was a completely different person at 25! what is important to me now wasn't then, and what was isn't anymore.

  9. Definitely Acts of Service. My husband is a combination of these. Hard to pick just one.

    I should read this book. I'm curious about it.

  10. These love languages have always intrigued me. I think I'm a combination of all of that to some degree.

  11. I need to look into this and see what my love language is. Maybe make my boyfriend investigate his own.

  12. I read this book several years ago too, and it was definitely thought-provoking. Maybe the reason I'm so difficult to love (I say that tongue in cheek) is because I'm all over the map at different times.

  13. I used to be a dead tie between quality time and physical touch. But now I'm more quality time. Scott's is definitely acts of service. I do pretty good with doing things for him. Once I learned it was his love language, I also made it a point to do things for him (with or without being asked) because it became clearer to me why he got upset when I didn't.


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