July 20, 2015

Deployments in context


I've felt like a gigantic wimp for the last few months. I've had a lot of trouble reconciling my feelings because I know I'm not a wimp (not exactly anyway) but I've felt weak.  I spent nearly an entire year on my own during deployment #2.  And now 5 measly months was going to break me? That doesn't make sense.

Note: I'm not looking for praise or headpats here.  It is what it is.  Ryan and I talked about this.  If you're not used to your husband being away for a night, a night away is a big deal.  The first night Scott was away after we'd been in this house for a month last summer, I freaked out. I, the same person who'd spent 2012 by herself. 

Deployment can mean so many different things, in many different ways, to different people.  It's all context.  Context is very important.  To someone who has never dealt with it before, a 4 month deployment (like deployment #1 for us) was enough to push me to the edge of losing my mind.  To someone who tried her hardest to worry about other things, a 12 month deployment, though slightly torturous, was do-able.  And now, to that same person who now has a full-time job, two dogs, 35 acres, a remodeling project, and a 40 minute commute? Five months can seem like an absolute eternity.

I suppose my point is that I know other people have had it worse than me, and I know some who  have had an easier go of it. Our situations, our stories, and our context is what makes the difference.  I really doubt this is our last deployment, TDY, or training (even in 2015, unfortunately), but for now I'm really glad that it's over.

I don't really have wise words or sage bits of advice for anyone out there who may be going through the same thing.  I would say to get a dog to keep you company but dogs are lots of work.  So think about that first. Find a hobby maybe, or get a job.  Jobs help.  These last few weeks have crawled by in a painfully slow way.  I wouldn't have made it to this point with my sanity in tact if I didn't have a place to go most days.

14 comments:

  1. Welcome home Scott! I'm glad you'll have company and help with house and dog things. You could both probably use a break, for different reasons!

    This is a great post - too many people crap on what others go through because they perceive it to be "less" than what they have to deal with...they forget about context.

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  2. i would say to get a cat then, because they are less work ;)
    i am not going to pretend i understand how you feel or what it's like to have your husband away but i love your attitude about it. i do feel like a lot of people think they have it the absolute worst and no-one has it worse than them, which is just ridiculous.
    welcome home to Scott :)

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  3. I'm so glad that he is home!!! I love everything about this post, you always have a great way with words. :)

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  4. Welcome home to your hubby! :)

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  5. Yeah, I can see how the context of it all is important. Plus the staying busy part is important too. If you get a pet though, sometimes all your conversations are with the animal. That's not exactly a healthy relationship either. For the last 6 months of 2009, I thought I was speaking to the cats too much.

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  6. Glad he is FINALLY home!!!

    I agree, context is everything...and it's weird how your perspective changes. When Isaiah took his first business trip to Petersburg a year and a half ago, he was only gone for 4 nights and it was TORTURE. The only other time we had been apart was when I was gone for 2 days in Seattle, and then I was with my family so it wasn't a big deal. Then the academy rolled around, and 3 1/2 months was horrible, even though we were in the same town. Seeing someone for an hour a couple times a week isn't the same as actually being with him, and sometimes I think it would have been easier if we hadn't been able to see each other at all. Now, he's been on night shift for the last month and a half, and is gone for 3-4 nights at a time, and it just...isn't a big deal anymore. It's not FUN but it's not a big deal. A year and a half ago, those 3-4 nights felt like a year.

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  7. So glad he is home and y'all are together again! I can't imagine what you go through, we're hardly ever apart so when Adam goes out of town even just for a few days I hate it! You are so strong!

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  8. Yay for being reunited! I hope you're having a lovely time back together. You're right about context, though. It's not AT ALL the same thing but I'm away during the week for work at the moment, and some weeks fly past whereas others are fairly tough. I'm not sure what makes the difference and why my tolerance varies so much, but it's quite marked.

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  9. Glad he is home. Safe and sound. Loved the video of the dogs on ig

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  10. I am glad he is home!

    I agree with you. Some deployments can be horrible and feel like years. Others seem to fly by. Last year my husband was gone for 2 months, and it felt like an eternity. Years ago, we were separated for 18 months, but it didn't feel that long.

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  11. Glad he's home!! I understand how you feel, though. I survived a year-long deployment, but suffered through three weeks of my husband being gone. Weird huh?

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  12. I'm so glad he's home...even if only briefly. I completely understand what you're saying here. Everything is relative.

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  13. Man, you're just the best and so honest. I'm with Joey -- SO glad he's home.

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