This is what it looks like next week.
I'm happy not to be "to-do-list busy", if only for a week, because we'll be traveling.
I read this article (linked to it through Thought Catalog) and this quote, I feel, describes me perfectly.
"I am not busy.
I am the laziest ambitious person I know."
I have ambition. I have a lot of things I'd like to accomplish, and I'm working on it. But I don't like to "make" myself busy.
I spent a lot of time by myself last summer. In fact, my parents and my husband would be horrified at how much time I spent alone. With my thoughts. With my computer. With my t.v. Or sometimes just sitting on the deck (desperately trying to tan) basking in the sun and thinking how lucky I was that it had hit 68 degrees that day. Sometimes I just wandered the neighborhood (on sunny days only) taking pictures of flowers. My social interaction came from the gym classes I would go to, so I was leaving the house at least once everyday. But looking back on that time, I really enjoyed it. I didn't enjoy that Scott was so far away. I didn't enjoy that I was *stuck* in Alaska. But I enjoyed having the time to just "be". I'm assuming (and hoping) I'll never get that chance again so, deployment aside, it's a time I can look back on fondly in a really weird way.
I remember staying up all night to watch an entire season to True Blood. And doing the same to watch an entire season of Downton a week later. Cutting and raking the grass by myself all summer long. Practicing Turbokick and taking the instructor certification course. Reading through a stack of books. Painting my toenails on the deck, on a rare sunny day. Concocting new drinks and desserts whenever I felt moved to do so. Making random Target runs for candy and clearance rack browsing.
I suppose my point is that last summer is the least busy I've ever been. Since it was during deployment, I worried a lot. I cried. I had pity parties for myself that involved lots of junk food. But looking back, it wasn't that bad. Like, not at all.
Last summer was when this blog started to grow. I networked. I made friends with other bloggers. You know why? Because I WASN'T busy. I had the time to decide what I wanted out of my blog. My best writing, I felt, started to come out last summer, while I had time to loll around. Time to think and ponder my situation, my hobbies, and my desires.
So yeah, I'm excited. Excited to not have 18 phone calls to make every day. Excited not to have 18 tasks to cross off my to-do list each day. A lot of this is associated with my job, so when I leave my job, a lot of the to-do's will also go away. I'm excited to just "be". To travel. To take pictures. To have experiences. Will it be stressful? Yes. The last time we drove the Alaska-Canadian Highway, it was very stressful, but it was fun. I had a Mexican-Chicken Ranch-style salad and a margarita for dinner every night at a different restaurant, in a different state than the day before. My pessimist side says at least 4 things will go wrong per day. The optimist in me is willing to admit that things will go wrong and that's okay.
Do you think our culture makes us busy? Do we even want to be busy? I can't lie: This week IS busy.
But I wore shorts comfortably the other day. That's what 48* will do to you I guess.
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