March 2, 2013

The army is being dramatic

Scott came home from work last Wednesday and said, "Promise you won't get mad?"

My gut reaction was that our leaving Alaska is being delayed.  Or he has to go away to training and that will somehow also delay our leaving.

Or really, anything that may delay our leaving is of particular concern to me.

I said, "What happened?"

He said, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

I said, "We have to stay?"  (Clearly not many bad things have ever happened to me.)

He said, "Staying in Alaska would ruin your life?"

I said, "Why? Are you trying to ruin my life?" (I was not feeling this game of 20 Questions.)

He said he may be offered command.  Command.  He's been a Captain for less than a year.  Hasn't been to the Captain's Career Course (the school in Missouri they are sending him to to "teach" him how to be a Captain).  This is rather unheard of.  Apparently the leadership in the brigade here is so out of sorts that they are looking for capable people to take over.  They see Scott as a capable person.  It's actually quite an honor, and it makes me positively giddy that this was offered to him. Command is 12-18 months.  Waiting for his command to start could take a year.  That's 2-3 more years in Alaska.

We've been here since September 2009.  That would put us in Alaska for 6-7 years.

It's no wonder I started crying and hyperventilating when he shared this news.

He said, "We wouldn't stay here. We'd buy a house."

(Duh. Our lease is up in 2 months. Which means we'd have to move by ourselves again.)

"We can get a dog.  We can have a garden. We can do whatever we want."


"We can move closer to base, even."

(We played that game before. It was too expensive and he hates being near base. That's why we moved 2 years ago.)

I said, "I already quit my job.  I quit my job. What am I going to do?"

He said, "You don't have to work. You can do the fitness thing. Do anything you want.Get a new job, if you want."

I said, "That's silly! Who just QUITS their job with nothing else on the horizon??? I don't have anything else to do. Do you know what kind of money we just gave up!?"

He said, "I know, but if it doesn't make you happy, look for something else."


I said, "Well, I guess I could go to the district and beg for my job back..."

He said, "Well, this isn't for sure yet, so don't do of now we're still leaving at the end of April.  This is just a possibility...and would be the best possible thing to ever happen for my career."

Through my tears, I managed to explain that I just feel so cut off here.  So alone.  So "out there". 

And I know he wouldn't make me/us stay if I was against it enough to cry each and every day. (Like that hasn't happened before or anything...)

We ended up here in the first place simply because he was offered the opportunity and I couldn't refuse him having a chance to improve his shot at a great army career. 

Plus, I've been in this place for so long (literally and figuratively) and on this edge of a "semi-okay" state for so long that I can't say I'd be perfectly happy somewhere else.  And if we move and I'm still only in a "semi-okay" state, and Scott hates his job AND location, THEN where does that put us?  Both miserable?

We will be in Missouri for only 6 months, either before or after this possible command.  After Missouri, who knows where we'll end up...It could be a deployable unit.  This unit in Alaska is not deploying again.  What's worse? Me being in Alaska with Scott, or me being in North Carolina, Texas, or New York without him? 

Even I, self-proclaimed Alaska-hater-extratroidinaire, have to admit that is actually not a hard decision.  I'm willing to do (almost) whatever it takes to avoid the loneliness, worrying, and uncertainty that comes along with deployment.

Anyway, I've been in my own little world for the past few days, just wondering...thinking about how I've already quit my job, already quit my gym (which was almost as dramatic as quitting my job..), and now here we are.  Will I be reapplying to both??  Only the next few weeks will tell...


  1. I actually know of some other bloggers in alaska - maybe some of them are near you. I'm sorry to hear about not knowing what's going to happen - that is hard.

  2. Oh, Kristin, I'm so sorry. This marriage, must-consider-the-needs-of-our-husbands thing sucks sometime. Praying for discernment for you guys and for Alaska to get miraculously warmer (and less weird) for your sake!! :)

  3. Oh, Kristin!! I'm thinking about you!! What an amazing opportunity for your husband, though! I'm not stranger to moving somewhere NOT on my list of places I'd like to live for the sake of the husband's career. It's not fun, I know. I'll be praying for some answers to come your way soon and for peace for you no matter what those answers are.

  4. Wow, what news! What a great opportunity for him, and I can see how hard that may be. I can't imagine being in your situation. I was in a place once that I absolutely hated - for his job - and even though I hated it I am (now) thankful for the opportunities it gave us. Good luck with all this Kristin! I'm not a "it'll all turn out" person...but kind will. ((hugs))

  5. I'm sorry to hear that you'll be in Alaska but congrats to Scott! And how great that they won't be deploying again? I hope Alaska gets its act together for the next few years while you have to be there!

  6. That's an amazing offer for Scott! I can't imagine being in your shoes though...I would want to be getting out of there too.

  7. What an amazing opportunity for Scott! I don't blame you for wanting to leave though.

  8. Oy to the vey. I mean, good lordy, go Scott for being such a badass (seriously, that's amazing for him to be considered) but wooooow. Don't know what else to say other than I'm praying for you guys, praying for what's best. If nothing else, that comfort in knowing that, worst case scenario if you have to stay in Alaska, you'd be TOGETHER. That's a happy thought :)

  9. Yikes! You have never held back your thoughts on Alaska and how you were looking forward to moving so I can imagine this news is devastating. It's not every wife who would be so strong and supportive. Hope it all works out as it should.

  10. Thank you Army for doing another crazy number! I understand how you're feeling and all the different decisions involved... good luck!

  11. I know exactly how you feel and I am in Louisiana. It's hard being in that semi-miserable state. If at least one thing between the two of us is going right then I feel like it can hold at least a bit of it all together.

  12. Congrats to Scott though, that is really amazing. Can we play the optimistic card that you go to career course and he gets an awesome
    command straight out of there as is? Such a tough decision, I hope the right situation reveals itself to yall soon!

  13. I can't even imagine all that constant uncertainty. It is nice though not to have to work for a quick minute until you have to figure some things out. Hopefully you'll have some answers sooner, rather than later.

  14. Oh Kristin! I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. It is a great opportunity for Scott but I know how you feel about Alaska.
    I hope you're able to figure things out sooner rather than later!

  15. I hate being adrift. I'm sorry that's where you are! Kudos to him for earning this opportunity, but it sucks that it's hard for you.

    I hope the universe gives you a grand plan.

  16. Oh Kristin, what conflicting emotions! I'm sure it is so hard to feel happy for this great opportunity for Scott, but so unhappy about a place you don't like. I'm sure that being WITH him anywhere sounds better than being without him somewhere. I'll be keeping you both in my prayers!

  17. oh kristin. i read the part where you said staying in alaska and thought OH NO!! that is so crappy when you are SOOOO ready to leave! i am sorry - what a tough place to be in. hoping that some decisions are clear and figured out. :(

  18. First of all, you're an amazing wife/person. I think the not knowing would be more difficult for me in some ways, not being able to plan for getting your job back/throwing yourself into something new/preparing to move/preparing to stay in Alaska would just drive me crazy! I hope you find out what's happening soon, and that no matter what it is that it's a positive experience for both you and Scott.

  19. Hugs. I can only imagine what this conversation was like in real life. I hate to be cliche -- but everything will work out as it should. I'll keep thinking about you.

  20. I know exactly how you feel. I feel about Belgium how you feel about about Alaska. We are leaving at the end of April to go to Pope which is in Fort Bragg. I am so ready to not be overseas anymore and get the heck out of dodge. So I totally understand your distress.

  21. Oh my gosh. Ugh. One of the toughest parts about Army Life, in my opinion, are the sacrifices I was making to benefit my husband's career. It's frustrating to have it always be about his job. I'm happy to hear he's taking your opinion into account, but I'm sorry y'all are dealing with this decision right before you are set to leave. Yuck.

  22. Oh man, that is so hard to not even be able to know for sure what's going to happen. And to have plans (possibly) change on you like this! My cousin and her husband are stationed in Alaska and have been waiting for (it seems like) months to find out where they are going, if they're staying or moving somewhere else....I can't even imagine how stressful that kind of situation must be. I think I'm glad I married a plain old nurse....

  23. Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you're going through this! I'm praying that everything works out that makes both you and the hubby fulfilled!

  24. oh girrrrrrrll... I feel your pain!! My husband is in the National guard full time and every day is "will he have a job tomorrow???"... I'm a teacher going through a contract negotiation that has been going on for a year... ughh....


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