SAHM with young kids vs SAHM vs Homeschool Mom vs. Working Mom

These are all entirely different versions of motherhood. I've done 3 of 4.

Let me explain.

SAHM with young kids <--- 2018-2020, 2022-2023

These are the baby and toddler years. Whether you have one (like I did at home for 2 years) or some in school and one or more at home,  you are tethered to a small child or baby 24/7. They are always with you and you are also tethered to nap time. I'm not using tethered in a derogatory way; that's just what it is. I was home exclusively with Wells for 2+ years. Just me and him. Then, after some transitions, he went to preschool at 4 for half a day and I was still with baby Sutton all day long. She didn't leave my side for a year and a half, basically. 

This is the version of motherhood that is the most time-intensive and where you have to be the easiest on yourself. Sleep every chance you get (just my advice). It's not the time for "getting up before the kids". 

SAHM 

A stay-at-home-mom sends her kids to school. She then has the day to do whatever she needs to do. Generally, she's busy, if she's naturally industrious. Cleaning, appointments, errands, running the house and managing the family. This is the traditional view of motherhood. If she works part-time, that's this category because she makes her own hours (your MLM is not full-time work). She's not held to a time-clock or schedule, working full-time from home. Working full-time from home is still working full-time. 

Getting up before your kids is a good idea if you want them to get to school on time. 

Homeschool mom <--- in this exact stage of life, I am here. 

This is not a SAHM. This is an entirely different thing. I was not aware of the difference until I tried it. This is a mom who is doing everything all at once all day long. The kids don't leave, so it's like taking the SAHM with young kids and just making the kids independent. They're still around. Your house will be a disaster at times because the kids are there; baseboards aren't dirty from neglect, they're full of crumbs because kids are eating snacks all day long. There's no dust, only crumbs (everywhere). There is generally no quiet, no peace, lots of cajoling and explaining and bargaining because You Are Trying To Teach Them Something. Like the SAHM w/ YK, you have kids with you when you go places, but they can walk in stores by themselves and can also buckle themselves into their own seatbelts. 

This is the version of motherhood where it makes sense to get up before your kids. You're not as exhausted and you can create the day's schedule. 

Working mom <---- 2020-2022, 2023-2025

This is usually survival mode. It takes a lot of forethought and planning to thrive, but I also found it pretty rewarding. I don't know about you, but I grew up with a working mom and never thought I'd do it differently. This is for the planners and the do-ers and the overachievers. It's also necessary in most households. In this category, the kids go to daycare or school and the mom goes to work. Your baseboards are dirty from neglect, not crumbs. 

The single worst part about this version of motherhood is getting phone calls that your kid is sick and making arrangements for staying home from work. 

It makes 100% sense to get up before your kids if you are a working mom. I think you have to in order to accomplish anything. 

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The two points I'll make to round this out:

1. I don't actually think it matters what you do. I think it's up to you and your family. I'm no feminist but this is a case of "you do you". I literally change up our life every year or two, depending on the best fit for us. I do think you should try to stay home if you have a baby. I don't think any child under age 1 has any business being in daycare but that's my preference. I don't recover, mentally, from childbirth easily so I needed like a full 8 months to feel like a person again after Wells was born (maybe the two moves in 6 months had something to do with it) and it was probably 3 months after Sutton was born until I felt normal again. I could not have imagined going straight back to work and adding daycare into the mix. 

2. From the time we got engaged, Scott has told me, in the nicest way possible, that he doesn't care what I do. His only real opinion on it, at this point, is that it's good to stay home if you have babies or toddlers, if you don't have to work. I don't think I appreciated that point of view enough at the time because, when we were dating, I was ironically the one with steady work. He was finishing school when we met. 

So when I reflect back, the working, the staying home, the years off, it was all pretty much my choice (again, I'm no feminist). Now, it's more complicated so I have to think about what's best for the kids, year by year. That's how I landed on homeschooling for this year. While where's like seven possible scenarios for what the army can tell us to do next, I can definitely say that I literally have no idea what next year will hold, so that keeps things interesting I guess.